Tuesday, December 11, 2007
At this year's Australian Open, they are throwing out golf's traditional "quiet please" atmosphere and instead are trying to capture the ambience of a drunken social gathering. The 11th hole at
Monday, December 10, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
"I heard a banging on the door and when I opened it there was a woman standing there who proceeded to hurl abuse at me.
"She was very angry it had been refused and continued hurling abuse at me.
"I asked her who she was and if she would moderate her language. She told me who she was, but she did not moderate her language. She continued hurling abuse at me.”
When the abuse hurler became annoyed by Storr’s smugness, she hurled even more abuse by cursing at Storr and shoving her. The only hurl abuse the Green Blazer sees is himself wanting to hurl after hearing Storr's abuse of the term.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Bravo to Tommy Armour for leading the stand against unsatisfactory equipment. He receives the Green Blazer Keepin it Real Award '07
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
Despite not being the longest, Dick Johnson definitely had the best stroke at the Nationwide Tour Championship last weekend as he rhythmically pounded the field at the Barona Creek Golf Club.
Stamina intact, Johnson wasn’t spent after a quadruple bogey on Saturday, and Dick continued to get it in the hole under par as he rode the leaderboard on top, giving a big "In your face," to anyone who ever doubted the larger-than-life Johnson.
According to a former caddy and washer of Dick Johnson’s balls, “Dick Johnson may be really swinging well right now, but there’s no doubt his extra stiff shafts and large club head have helped raise his game.”
Friday, October 19, 2007
Robert Garrigus is unique on the PGA Tour player for more than one reason. There's his 28 inch putter. Six inches below the new standard length of 34"(See video below. What a horrible putt!).
The 28" putter lands Garrigus T78 in the tour's putting average, but he hits it a green mile and is safe for next year at 77th on the money list.
Before finishing 2nd at Q school in 2006, Garrigus was a typical college bro who enjoyed smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol whenever possible. He admits to getting stoned up to 10 times a day and frequently getting black out drunk. He sure wasn't in PGA tour form in those daze, but this Blazer is sure he was having a good time. This went on for years; until one day, in a drunken stoned-out haze, he decided to make his pipe dream a reality. He was posted up on his couch watching a golf tournament, and thought, "I should be out there." Soon after that, he checked himself into rehab. After checking out, he turned his full attention to golf. He certainly means business now, but the next step for Robert is to chalk up the all important "W" to prove he's here to stay. When he does record that first win, The Green Blazer has a hunch he stashed away a little something for that all important victory bowl.
You Da Man Garrigus! Good luck in '08
Monday, October 15, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Happy 18th Birthday, Michelle Wie. What better way to celebrate than participate in a repackaged Skins Game?
Two weeks ago Superhero Columnist the Desert Rat (www.professionaldesertrat.blogspot.com) made a great point about the fading (lack) luster of the Skins Game. He suggested that, in the absence of big names like Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, perhaps an all-women format could reinvigorate an essentially meaningless November golf event that gets killed in the television ratings by Saturday college football games and Sunday NFL games.
Not only does The Green Blazer agree with The Rat, he demands further action: let's turn it into a real Skins game and have these beautiful ladies not only win Skins but lose clothes along the way. The LPGA has admittedly taken its sex appeal up a notch. The ladies could end up in bikinis, and if one were to lose yet another hole, she could either opt to cut her losses and quit, or plunge into the nearest body of water and keep playing.
With Michelle Wie recently turning 18, what better way to celebrate than by participating in the ultimate Skins Game threesome with Natalie Gulbis and Paula Creamer?
Ok Ok… just kidding. This will never happen, but with 74 percent of all golfers being male, the last article of clothing coming off at the real Skins Game would be the rating’s socks. Until that time, I guess it's just another Green Blazin' pipe dream.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Saturday, October 6, 2007
As most people already know, Barbara Nicklaus was responsible for Woody Austin's goggles march the day after he fell into the water.
Since then, Barbara has been known as the new prankster in the golf world, and she’s making sure to live up to that reputation. She claimed another victim the week of The President’s Cup, but this story seemed to sneak under the radar. 25 year old Hunter Mahan was on the receiving end of another practical joke by wacky Barbara Nicklaus, but it wasn’t all shits and giggles to Hunter:
Barbara then made her way up to Hunter’s room at the scheduled time of his meeting with the mystery suitor. She left a doll she called Monique by the door. She then knocked on Hunter's door and quickly slipped around the corner snickering to herself. It was reported that Hunter was unsettled by the event. "He didn't take that too good, I don't think," said Scott Verplank following the incident.
Hunter was probably embarrassed after being duped. From his view, Mrs. Nicklaus is just trying to help him get some action on the down-low. Now it’s public news that Hunter wants the a quick score. The Blazer is sure Hunter learned his lesson and won't try to get an easy lay ever again. Way to go Barbara … pfft
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
The other day The Blazer stumbled across Nick Faldo's website while trying to get information on Faldo's history with the now PGA-banned substance "beta blocker." While it's not uncommon to see a golfer with an official website, there is something unusually egomaniacal about From nickfaldo.com And it isn't the dissolving Faldo photo reel, or the sub-head about Faldo entitled "The Man," or the Nick Faldo Fan Club, or even the fine selection of Faldo wines. It's the fact that the site is narrated in a first person format, so instead of it looking like someone designed a promotional site about Nick Faldo, it looks like Faldo built himself a "monument to me" in cyberspace.On the home page alone, Faldo makes more than 25 references to himself using the words "me," "myself," or "I." That's compared to less than 10 Tiger Woods references on Woods' home page, and Woods' is much less "conspicuously-proud-of-myself" third person. And as you would have guessed, none of Faldo's monologues involved any reflection on his history with beta blockers. But The Blazer did find several other little nuggets he thought he'd share.
Under subhead "The Man," (below the dissolving Nick Faldo photo library, to the left of the giant photo of Nick Faldo), and on the Faldo Enterprises diary, you will find some great first person Faldoisms, including "I also enjoy a lot of the female singers" and "We ended up at a huge glacier and took a trip across the ice in a snow-mobile."Below is a list of Nick Faldo snippets that The Blazer pasted from these sections.
"I am actively involved with several charities""I commentated for the Pebble Beach Pro-Am"
"I've got a genuine passion for course design""I've been through every international time-zone there is"
"I'm destined to work with the best that the fairer sex has to offer the sport""my daughter, Georgia went for a couple of hours horse-riding"
"We ended up at a huge glacier and took a trip across the ice in a snow-mobile""I even had a word with Tiger"
"I like Australia""I also like the Californian area"
"I can't recommend
"I also managed to find time to visit Reykjavik Golf Club for the inaugural Faldo Series Iceland championship ... I turned up as a bit of a surprise to watch the last few holes""I often wonder what it would be like to be a professional sportsman outside of golf ... I like the fact that you are in an arena"
"I should have been a footballer"Whew! All that and still no mention of the beta blockers. As it turns out, it was another Nick who was using beta blockers(hint - Two in a row 1994. hint 2 - "what is the _ _ _ _ _ of that item"). And that Nick was prescribed the substance for a heart condition. Now let's put the focus back on Faldo (I'm sure he would want it that way). Here is a picture of what Nick Faldo would look like if he was struggling to get off the shit.
If Nick was to need further help, he should contact Robert Garrigus. There is a different drug that is now be tested also that could help Faldo to ease the transition -Robert Garrigus is a former green blazer
If any players do test positive for an illegal drug next year, it is more likely it will be Garrigus' drug of choice rather than steriods, beta blockers, or any other now illegal substance. Afterall, all golfers love the euphoria they get from hitting the greens.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Square Grooves - A nonspecific term that includes both U grooves and Box grooves, and eventually, maybe even Y grooves.
Box Grooves - Form right angles at the top and bottom of the groove, and the only groove in the groove review that is presently illegal.
U Grooves - Square at the top of the groove. Identifiable by a curved "U" at the bottom of the groove
V Grooves - Grooves that come to a triangular point at the end, limiting the amount of spin the ball receives
Y Grooves - "V grooves" that square off at a specific deepness to form the shape of a Y
Smooth Grooves - Sensual assortment of R & B and soul music from Rhino Records, available in 12 volumes
Monday, October 1, 2007
Her name is Jenni Carlson, in the video below she is doing a bit on Tiger Woods, who she obviously wants to father the children Gundy criticizes her for not having. After seeing her and watching the video The Blazer is starting to realize what Gundy found so annoying. At one point she takes a pot shot at golfers for using golf carts and having beer guts, to which The Blazer responded by thinking "Oh no she dih ent." I believe the proverbial phrase for that would be "The pot calling the kettle black."
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Trump to Scotland: The world's greatest golf course and I'll even include an unnecessary, unwanted little town
If this development happens, The Blazer is sure the course will be impressive and send even the most tightfisted Scots reaching for their wallets. But the greatest in the world? The Blazer says not likely. What's more realistic is the image-savvy Trump has attached a sexy handle to the course to bring attention towards it and away from the 450 room hotel and small city of residences--the real moneymakers. If Trump's ambition is to build the world's greatest golf course, The Blazer recommends he takes all the energy he's applying to residential development and use it to secure his course a spot in the British Open rotation.
Out here in Blazeland TGB could give a puff whether this development is built or not. It's safe to assume that this course will never be the world's greatest, but if it does ever make its way to the top of that prestigious list, G Blaze is sure that live aerial shot from the British Open would look better without 1500 little boxes on the Scottish hillside.
Friday, September 28, 2007
The following zingers belong to The Green Blazer, ghetto copyrighted right here and now.
Raw-blog style - Edgy commentary with which The Blazer has graced the golf blogosphere. From thegreenblazer.blogspot.com's "Who is The Green Blazer?"
To bring the zing, or bringing zingers - The means by which The Blazer has captivated the on-the-level brosephs of the golf world. From thegreenblazer.blogspot.com's "Who is The Green Blazer?"
To get Retief's goose - To irritate or annoy South African golfer Retief Goosen, from The Green Blazin Blog - "Smooth Old-Fashoined Player Suggests ..."
The ten-member golfroid blacklist - A Seinfeldian interpretation of Gary Player's assertion that ten people on the PGA are using performance enhancers. (As we all know he didn't "name names.") From The Green Blazin Blog - "Smooth Old-Fashoined Player Suggests ..."
Tiger Woods' instigating bicep - What The Blazer suggested may have started the Gary Player steroid controversy. From The Green Blazin Blog - "Smooth Old-Fashioned Player Suggests ..."
Inching - A term, coined by The Green Blazer, which refers to the act of marking one's ball on the green, then replacing the mark with the ball in a spot closer to the hole than its original position. From The Green Blazin Blog - "On Inching - Nairn GC Shows World an Inch is as Good as a Mile"
BITCH - An acronym for Ban Inching Through Cooperated Heckling, a movement started by The Green Blazer to raise awareness of the global war on inching. From The Green Blazin Blog - "Ban Inching Movement Sweeps Globe"
The ol' sober-up-on-the-way-to-the-station-trick - A technique drunk drivers use to buy themseves more time to shave decimals off their BAC by forgoing a field breathalyzer test for a blood test back at the station. From The Green Blazin Blog - "Golf Cart Drunkenness - Bill Murray might have a DUI coming"
The tackle heard 'round the world - A fierce back body drop administered by Peter Jacobson to a streaker at the 1985 British Open. From The Green Blazin Blog - "Peter Jacobsen’s Lifted Clubs - Suspects Revealed
The George Lopez Chrysler Classic - Spoof name The Blazer's alter-ego The Desert Rat used to draw attention to the incipient phase-out of the late Bob Hope from his own tournament. "First it's the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic with George Lopez, then it's The Bob Hope and George Lopez Chrysler Classic, and before you know it it's just 'The George Lopez Chrysler Classic.'" From The Desert Post Weekly newspaper's December 7, 2006 column "The George Lopez Chrysler Classic"
The Montys we love to hate - American phrase The Green Blazer coined to describe both The Simpson's Monty Burns and golf's Colin Monty. From The Green Blazin Blog - "Colin Montgomerie is Above the Law"
U.S. Hope'n - Spoof name The Green Blazer's alter-ego The Desert Rat used to describe the 2007 Bob Hope Chrysler Classic, which played more like the US Open due to blustery conditions. From The Desert Post Weekly newspaper's January 25, 2007 column "Even Rabbit Ears Didn't Let You See U.S. Hope'n" also featured on The Green Blazer's Myspace page
Thursday, September 27, 2007
The Green Blazer used his connections to score this exclusive look at a prototype version of the Super Stroke putter grip . . .
Despite the fact that Colin Montgomerie is adored by golf fans in Europe, his aloof attitude toward American golf spectators surely hasn't given him a fan-favorite reputation here in the states. Between him and the Simpsons' Mr. Burns, the name "Montgomerie" is regarded with a sort of comedic disdain in the US (although The Blazer appreciates Monty Burns' taste in jackets).
As far as Colin Monty is concerned, his majorless career and unwillingly adopted nicknames such as "Mrs. Doubtfire" seem to have added even more coals to his already red-hot temper. There is one habit that helps Monty neutralize his irritation, however: speeding.
Actually speeding, then using his influence to avoid a ticket, as it seems Monty has crafted his legal hurdling almost as masterfully as his lofty fade.
Back in September of '04, Monty was busted driving 96mph near his home in Surrey. The case colapsed after the officer failed to appear in court. Then on February 24, '07, he was caught again (on camera) doing 88 in a 70 zone. This time the case was reported as "not called" after local authorities in Surrey failed to document the incident until after the six month time limitation . . . oops.
Like a round well played with Alastair McLean's help, Monty wasn't able to pull his legal birdies off alone. He enlisted the help of the ever-crafty shyster Nick Freeman. Freeman specializes in using subtle legal technicalities to get celebrity clients off the hook when they're caught disobeying the rules of the road. Apparently he's also helped Sir Alex Ferguson and David Beckham get acquitted of driving offenses. Damn, where was this guy when Paris Hilton needed him?
The Blazer wonders, for legendary greens keeper Carl Spackler's sake, can he be of any assistance in golf cart DUIs?