Saturday, December 15, 2007

Introducing Satire Saturday

Woods' Self Sufficiency Drives Swing Coach Into Depression

It has been reported that Hank Haney, swing coach of Tiger Woods, has slipped into a severe state of depression over the last few months. Woods has backed off his time spent with Haney this off-season, apparently causing an emotional breakdown in the usually stable Haney.

“It’s just not fair,” said a sobbing Haney in a recent interview. “I treat him so good; why do we need to take these breaks?”

Woods said he was surprised to hear his swing coach was taking the separation that seriously. “I thought we had an understanding that this was just a break,” he said.

This coming from a number one golfer who is no stranger to relationship problems. Who can forget the superstar's separation from world-renown instructor Butch Harmon, a train wreck that finished about as smooth as the mud-packed face of a hacker's PureSpin "Diamond Faced" sand wedge. Butch was able to dampen the sting by acquiring Phil Mickelson, the world's number two, but apparently the number two isn't big enough to fill the void Tiger left. Harmon himself even said “The empty space never gets filled when you lose the precious, or, I mean, something that precious.”

According to Woods, the relationship with Haney was growing stagnant and a little space this off-season was needed. "As I've said, this is just a break," reiterated Woods. "It's not him, it's me."

This should be good timing for Haney, whose ailing wife is in need of nurturing at this time, but Haney seemed to feel being on the range with Woods was more important. "My wife, she's family, but not as much as Tiger has become my family. And nothing's more important than family ... Even if he doesn't always realize it."

Woods has made it clear on several occasions that Haney was still his teacher. Haney's paints a different picture, however, suspecting Woods may have been seeing another swing coach prior to requesting the separation. Woods called the allegations “Ridiculous.”

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