Friday, March 28, 2008

Bubba Watson: "I'll tell you what... Veterans can kiss my ass"

This one hasn’t blown up yet, but damn well blazin’ should. Bubba Watson will soon be labeled the tour’s new bad boy (dethroning Rory’s bitchass) after saying, "I’ll tell you what... Veterans can kiss my ass." Steve Elkington was evidently moving around during Watson’s routine for two days, and Watson pretty much snaps in the video below. This situation may cause a media frenzy for two reasons:

1) Just a few short days ago, Tiger Woods stirred things up when he said the next person to take a picture (during his swing) will get their fucking neck broken. Watson’s frustration is similar to Tiger’s only it was due to another player’s actions as opposed to that of an idiot camera man. If and when Bubba’s blunder gets the media attention it warrants, it will presumably be compared to Tiger’s flare-up last Sunday.

2) Bubba should have confined his shit-talking to Elkington alone. By telling all veterans they can kiss his ass, he generalized himself to the point where he has no argument to defend. When Bubba kicks it into reputation salvation mode, he will likely apologize for his words about veterans, say he has the utmost respect for what they’ve done for the game, and attempt to defend himself by describing why Steve Elkington is an asshole.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Attn Photogs: Tiger Woods Is Going To Break Your Fucking Neck (Bitch)
Blazer says like the words of God, Woods' quotes need no editing or context

If you watched WGC-CA on television last weekend, then you only caught part of Tiger Woods' latest tirade against the golf paparazzi. Nobody made that big of a deal out of it until today, when the UK's The Independent reported on what happened after the cameras turned away.

Excerpted from today's The Independent:

...Yes, Woods lost his streak. But with it went his temper.

It was on the tee on the par-three ninth when a camera click on his back-swing caused Woods to pull his shot perilously close to the water. His scream of "Jackass!" was heard on the live telecast. Fortunately, the verbal assault which followed was only in earshot of members of the gallery, although that inevitably included children.

As he walked to the 10th tee he turned on the press corps shadowing him. "The next time a fucking photographer shoots a picture [on my backswing]," warned Woods, "I'm going to break his fucking neck."

In some respects, Tiger's tantrum was understandable...

Thanks for that, The Independent. We see you were able to sneak some bracketed context into this news piece along with your opinion. But neither belong there. Like the words of God Almighty himself, Tiger's words need no editing or context. We're thankful that you left the expletives in there (AOL Sports edited it out in their coverage, pussys), but we like the quote better with him simply breaking the necks of photogs who shoot pictures in general, not just those who make the now life-threatening choice to do so in his backswing. Plus it's a little hypocritical to add your slanted detail about the "inevitable inclusion of children" in the gallery that might have heard Tiger drop the F-bomb, and then go on to repeat it for your readers, which also inevitably include children.

So it breaks down like this. "The next time a fucking reporter adds brackets [to a Tiger Woods quote]," warns The Green Blazer, "I'm going to break his fucking neck."

And in some respects, that's understandable.

POST POST MEMO: 10:50 PM - Actually, Tiger's reported scream of the word "jackass" wasn't heard on the live telecast. The Blazer went back and captured video display below. So why did The Independent report that it was? The Blazer, who took detective lessons from DuPont, Holmes, Batman and Shaggy, has a theory: The chinces at The Independent probably read this article, which was posted Monday on, and exaggerated the 'Tiger said jackass' detail to 'Tiger said jackass on live tv.' The Blazer suspects the writer from the Herald, who really brings the zing in his blazin' coverage, actually attended the event and heard Tiger say the word, while the cameras weren't going live. Meanwhile the writer from The Independent, clearly a hack who's butt-hurt about Tiger threatening his ilk, has an agenda "which inevitably included" extra details and exaggerations to make Tiger look bad.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Movie Monday - "Oh Hell No"

Whether you consider it a streak of 7, 5 or 3, Tiger's streak came to a halt on Sunday errr.. Monday. Considering the streak to be only 3 wins is blazin ridiculous, but that's what Woody Austin called it when trying to diminish the value during an interview after last week's tournament at Bay Hill:

Tiger ran into a some complicatons (other than missed putts) while trying to get number 8, 6 or 4 in a row:

The clip of the week goes to Tiger for his response when jokingly asked if he was interested in doing highlights for the crappy non-HD Golf Channel... I mean come on'... even PBS is in HD these daze:

Monday, March 10, 2008

Movie Monday - Justin Rose Rides Bull, Cink Gets Bucked Off

This week at the PODS Championship, Stewart Cink perpetuated his anticlutch reputation by dropping 4 shots in four holes to lose to Sean O' Hair. Cink has blown eight of his last nine 54 hole leads including his loss to Tiger Woods at the Accenture Match Play Championship. This defeat may sting particuallarily bad given that last week Stewy vented to a reporter saying he has not yet, "lived up to his potential" as a professional golfer. Another golfer who is finally starting to live up to his hype, Justin Rose, has been practicing his Happy Gilmore bull ride in front of the mirror for months. The PODS championship was lucky enough to get the debut.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Sexy Slice Sirens nearly seduce Green Blazer out of his Green Blazer
Slice Girls: High Class 'Hook'ers or Girls Next 'Fore!'?

Yesterday Condoleezza Slice, Angelina Bogie and the Slice Girls eagerly told the Green Blazer precisely where they want him to plant his enormous flagstick. The Slice Girls got together over some martinis and one of those waterproof laptops for a little late night blog session in the hot tub of their lair the other night, which one can only assume is located in a penthouse tower of some exotic city. They were most definitely nude and touching each other as they blogged about how much they loved tasting the Green Blazer's fountain of offerings. "To get a taste of The Green Blazer," wrote the Bodacious Angelina Bogie, "here's a pic..." The Green Blazer followed up by blogging on the slice girls' faces, in a blog post entitled "The Slice Girls Have Remarkably Beautiful Faces."

To any of the Slice Girls who may be reading this, make no mistake as you try to make it with the Green Blazer, you slender, sultry, seductive, super-sexy slice sluts. The Green Blazer knows exactly what you're interested in, and he's no amature in this high stakes game of heroes and villains. The Corps has learned much from the timeless tales within the halls of our society of super brethren (basically summed up in the photo below).

So Slice Girls be warned: If you ever want to get it in the hole, don't count on slicing through the Green Blazer's mask anytime soon . . .

Check out The Slice Girls at