Saturday, December 29, 2007

Satire Saturday - Hair growth drug targets Jim Furyk as face of wealthy young balds

Today Jim Furyk announced that Propecia will join Srixon and Exelon as official sponsors for the ’08 PGA tour season.

The third ranked golfer in the world said he was excited about the new relationship with Propecia. "At first I wasn't very thrilled that I was being targeted by male pattern baldenss, or, I mean, by propecia for male pattern baldness," said Furyk. "But now that I've finally just accepted it it's made my life a lot easier." The deal will require the construction of a specialized hat for Furyk, which will be branded in the specific areas that male pattern baldness occurs (vertex area of the head and the lateral sides of the forehead).

A spokesman at Merck, the pharmaceutical company that has the rights to the Propecia trademark, said they have a comprehensive program for Furyk and the trademark. “We have a whole system worked out to get Propecia involved in Jim’s life,” said the spokesperson.

In addition to displaying the name brand on the pattern baldness areas of his hat during tournament play, they have worked the deal so Jim will receive a daily dose of 4mg (as opposed to the usually prescribed 1mg) to “show off the drug’s capabilities,” according to the spokesperson.

About targeting Jim Furyk, the Merck spokesman said “Lets face it … most golfers are older males, and older males struggle with balding. Jim is the perfect person to represent Propecia. Besides being one of the winningist players, he might also be the baldingist player on the PGA Tour.”

Initially Furyk was all for Merck’s total life plan. In fact, Furyk mentioned his personal confidence becomes dashed on the rare occasions he is seen hat removed. His only reluctance appeared when he heard claims that Propecia was known to cause erectile dysfunction. His mind was put at ease when he heard Merck's official response to the claims. According to the pharmaceutical giant, the underperforming men in the tests "probably couldn’t achieve an erection anyway."

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