Monday, December 29, 2008

Geese are the shits

PhotobucketBABY SHITS: The only thing worse than goose shit on the greens is gosling shit on the greens
"Yo G Blaze... You're out"

"Hang on phellas ... let me just use my putter to fling the goose shit out of my line."

It's a hot, sweaty day. You're with some hack acquaintances that have been pressuring you to, "go golfing sometime dude," for over a year now. Finally after offering to pay for your round, you oblige. Four holes into your round you've chopped your way to two-over, well on your way to an 81 (although the guys you're playing with are so impressed they're practically stroking you off).

It's one thing to play like shit, but at this course you have to walk on it too. What better than some goose shit to make a crappy round even more miserable. It's bad enough that the geese infest the ponds, but they also invest the fairways, feeding on the fertilized grass and hissing at you as you walk by. By the end of the round, the greenish colored shit has worked its way into the crevices of your cleats that even the most violent after round clap won't vanquish. Some of the shit has been on the greens for days and dried out leaving a permanent shit stain. Most of the dung, however, is fresh and crumbles as you try to move it often finding its way into the sight line of your $250 Scotty Cameron.

I once heard a tale that if you run a dog through a course, it will chase the geese out and they will never return. This of course is not true. It will make a flock move to a pond temporary until the coast is clear. Then they will return to the green to drop a long awaited freshy. This is why the Green Blazer Corps is establishing an organization to stop the spread of goose shit. To receive a complementary membership to GAGS (golfers against goose shit), post a comment below and help us put an end to this problem ... before it's too late.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Classic case of good cop/bad cop

The Green Blazer blazes The Mountaineer weekly. Click to Enlarge

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Stina Stern-minded on advice

Columnist detached from range hack mentality

In this month's Golf Digest, Stina Sternberg tells women golfers to "say no to advice," when approached by swing tip dispensing range hack. It seemed she was making a good point until she states that the babbling range hack would only approach women and would never offer advice to any men. People who have spent enough time on a public practice facility know this is not true.

Range hacks, the talkative ones, will give advice to anyone. They will usually gravitate towards the person who seems most accepting of the advice, but will take what they can get when they can get it. If you've been approached by a know-it-all range hack, you can be guaranteed you weren't his first, probably not even his first of the day.

If you are an obvious beginner, the range hack will take charge of the conversation confidently telling you exactly what you're doing wrong and how to fix it. He will give you the latest drill from, ironically, Golf Digest, and may even show you how it's done. The better you are, the more gingerly he will tread. He will try to initiate an open forum discussing a swing topic, surely tell you what Pelz and Butch said on the matter, and rarely demonstrate it himself.

Range hacks just love to talk about golf ... to anyone man or women. It's safe to say Stina is far removed from the chipping green chop mentality, yet most can agree ... That's a good thing.

The Blazer would be interested in hearing the readers' opinions on the motives behind advice giving on the range, so blaze a comment bros ... >

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

GREEN BLAZER GOLF SPECIAL REPORT: Piercing the blogosphere

Months ago, The Green Blazer promised to deliver blog posts every Sunday. That promise was broken a few weeks ago; for that please accept my formal apology.

My absence was, however, not due to lazin and blazin in a dazy haze. The Green Blazer's novel was put on hold following the announcement of a restructuring at Random House Publishing, the publisher backing The Green Blazer origin novel. Distraught and out of sorts, GB set out on a mission. Armed with only golf clubs and a portfolio (not to mention some other roadie essentials), The Blazer scoured the country intending to find a new publisher. The Blazer failed that mission, but the long roadie wasn't all for not. The Green Blazer is proud to announce he is now writing a weekly column in The Mountaineer, a Colorado based daily newspaper. The first piece was published on Tuesday. Click on the image to enlarge: