Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Nick Faldo's E-monument to Me

The other day The Blazer stumbled across Nick Faldo's website while trying to get information on Faldo's history with the now PGA-banned substance "beta blocker." While it's not uncommon to see a golfer with an official website, there is something unusually egomaniacal about From And it isn't the dissolving Faldo photo reel, or the sub-head about Faldo entitled "The Man," or the Nick Faldo Fan Club, or even the fine selection of Faldo wines. It's the fact that the site is narrated in a first person format, so instead of it looking like someone designed a promotional site about Nick Faldo, it looks like Faldo built himself a "monument to me" in cyberspace.

On the home page alone, Faldo makes more than 25 references to himself using the words "me," "myself," or "I." That's compared to less than 10 Tiger Woods references on Woods' home page, and Woods' is much less "conspicuously-proud-of-myself" third person. And as you would have guessed, none of Faldo's monologues involved any reflection on his history with beta blockers. But The Blazer did find several other little nuggets he thought he'd share.

Under subhead "The Man," (below the dissolving Nick Faldo photo library, to the left of the giant photo of Nick Faldo), and on the Faldo Enterprises diary, you will find some great first person Faldoisms, including "I also enjoy a lot of the female singers" and "We ended up at a huge glacier and took a trip across the ice in a snow-mobile."

Below is a list of Nick Faldo snippets that The Blazer pasted from these sections.

"I am actively involved with several charities"

"I commentated for the Pebble Beach Pro-Am"

"I've got a genuine passion for course design"

"I've been through every international time-zone there is"

"I'm destined to work with the best that the fairer sex has to offer the sport"

"my daughter, Georgia went for a couple of hours horse-riding"

"We ended up at a huge glacier and took a trip across the ice in a snow-mobile"

"I even had a word with Tiger"

"I like Australia"

"I also like the Californian area"

"I can't recommend Iceland enough"

"I had a break from commentary at the beginning of February to head out to China for the first Faldo Series Asia grand final, which was played over my own course design"

"I also managed to find time to visit Reykjavik Golf Club for the inaugural Faldo Series Iceland championship ... I turned up as a bit of a surprise to watch the last few holes"

"I often wonder what it would be like to be a professional sportsman outside of golf ... I like the fact that you are in an arena"

"I should have been a footballer"

Whew! All that and still no mention of the beta blockers. As it turns out, it was another Nick who was using beta blockers(hint - Two in a row 1994. hint 2 - "what is the _ _ _ _ _ of that item"). And that Nick was prescribed the substance for a heart condition. Now let's put the focus back on Faldo (I'm sure he would want it that way). Here is a picture of what Nick Faldo would look like if he was struggling to get off the shit.

If Nick was to need further help, he should contact Robert Garrigus. There is a different drug that is now be tested also that could help Faldo to ease the transition -Robert Garrigus is a former green blazer

If any players do test positive for an illegal drug next year, it is more likely it will be Garrigus' drug of choice rather than steriods, beta blockers, or any other now illegal substance. Afterall, all golfers love the euphoria they get from hitting the greens.

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