Saturday, September 29, 2007

Trump to Scotland: The world's greatest golf course and I'll even include an unnecessary, unwanted little town

The Donald is attempting to take his experience in multimillion dollar golf course development overseas. He missed out on the public debate over his sudden interest in Scotland this week in Aberdeen; however, he spoke via a recorded video before the debate began. If his plan goes through, he will build what he calls, "The world's greatest golf course," in an environmentally safe area in Scotland just north of Aberdeen. Oh and by the way, along with the golf course comes 1500 homes and hotel that's so large Trump would likely describe it as "The Rosie O'Donnell of hotels."

If this development happens, The Blazer is sure the course will be impressive and send even the most tightfisted Scots reaching for their wallets. But the greatest in the world? The Blazer says not likely. What's more realistic is the image-savvy Trump has attached a sexy handle to the course to bring attention towards it and away from the 450 room hotel and small city of residences--the real moneymakers. If Trump's ambition is to build the world's greatest golf course, The Blazer recommends he takes all the energy he's applying to residential development and use it to secure his course a spot in the British Open rotation.

Out here in Blazeland TGB could give a puff whether this development is built or not. It's safe to assume that this course will never be the world's greatest, but if it does ever make its way to the top of that prestigious list, G Blaze is sure that live aerial shot from the British Open would look better without 1500 little boxes on the Scottish hillside.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Ghetto Copyrighting

Because his zingers are so blazin' hot, The Green Blazer has decided to use eblogger's time & date logging system to copyright some of his best one-liners. So to those of you plagiarizing artists/writers/comics out there, (I'm looking right at you, Carlos Mencia,) don't even think about coming here for the money material.

The following zingers belong to The Green Blazer, ghetto copyrighted right here and now.

Raw-blog style - Edgy commentary with which The Blazer has graced the golf blogosphere. From's "Who is The Green Blazer?"

To bring the zing, or bringing zingers - The means by which The Blazer has captivated the on-the-level brosephs of the golf world. From's "Who is The Green Blazer?"

To get Retief's goose - To irritate or annoy South African golfer Retief Goosen, from The Green Blazin Blog - "Smooth Old-Fashoined Player Suggests ..."

The ten-member golfroid blacklist - A Seinfeldian interpretation of Gary Player's assertion that ten people on the PGA are using performance enhancers. (As we all know he didn't "name names.") From The Green Blazin Blog - "Smooth Old-Fashoined Player Suggests ..."

Tiger Woods' instigating bicep - What The Blazer suggested may have started the Gary Player steroid controversy. From The Green Blazin Blog - "Smooth Old-Fashioned Player Suggests ..."

Inching - A term, coined by The Green Blazer, which refers to the act of marking one's ball on the green, then replacing the mark with the ball in a spot closer to the hole than its original position. From The Green Blazin Blog - "On Inching - Nairn GC Shows World an Inch is as Good as a Mile"

BITCH - An acronym for Ban Inching Through Cooperated Heckling, a movement started by The Green Blazer to raise awareness of the global war on inching. From The Green Blazin Blog - "Ban Inching Movement Sweeps Globe"

The ol' sober-up-on-the-way-to-the-station-trick - A technique drunk drivers use to buy themseves more time to shave decimals off their BAC by forgoing a field breathalyzer test for a blood test back at the station. From The Green Blazin Blog - "Golf Cart Drunkenness - Bill Murray might have a DUI coming"

The tackle heard 'round the world - A fierce back body drop administered by Peter Jacobson to a streaker at the 1985 British Open. From The Green Blazin Blog - "Peter Jacobsen’s Lifted Clubs - Suspects Revealed

The George Lopez Chrysler Classic - Spoof name The Blazer's alter-ego The Desert Rat used to draw attention to the incipient phase-out of the late Bob Hope from his own tournament. "First it's the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic with George Lopez, then it's The Bob Hope and George Lopez Chrysler Classic, and before you know it it's just 'The George Lopez Chrysler Classic.'" From The Desert Post Weekly newspaper's December 7, 2006 column "The George Lopez Chrysler Classic"
Who the hack is [insert name of relatively unknown '07 Skins Game competitor here]? - Question The Green Blazer's alter-ego The Desert Rat suggested is on the minds of fairweather golf fans who still look forward to hearing which players will comprise the elite Thanksgiving foursome. From The Desert Post Weekly newspaper's August 23, 2007 newspaper column "The Skins Game - Give It Up Already" also featured on: The Desert Rat's Blog

The Montys we love to hate - American phrase The Green Blazer coined to describe both The Simpson's Monty Burns and golf's Colin Monty. From The Green Blazin Blog - "Colin Montgomerie is Above the Law"

U.S. Hope'n - Spoof name The Green Blazer's alter-ego The Desert Rat used to describe the 2007 Bob Hope Chrysler Classic, which played more like the US Open due to blustery conditions. From The Desert Post Weekly newspaper's January 25, 2007 column "Even Rabbit Ears Didn't Let You See U.S. Hope'n" also featured on The Green Blazer's Myspace page

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Rare Glimpse of Gigantic Super Stroke Prototype Grip

The Green Blazer used his connections to score this exclusive look at a prototype version of the Super Stroke putter grip . . .

Colin Montgomerie is Above the Law

Despite the fact that Colin Montgomerie is adored by golf fans in Europe, his aloof attitude toward American golf spectators surely hasn't given him a fan-favorite reputation here in the states. Between him and the Simpsons' Mr. Burns, the name "Montgomerie" is regarded with a sort of comedic disdain in the US (although The Blazer appreciates Monty Burns' taste in jackets).

As far as Colin Monty is concerned, his majorless career and unwillingly adopted nicknames such as "Mrs. Doubtfire" seem to have added even more coals to his already red-hot temper. There is one habit that helps Monty neutralize his irritation, however: speeding.

Actually speeding, then using his influence to avoid a ticket, as it seems Monty has crafted his legal hurdling almost as masterfully as his lofty fade.

Back in September of '04, Monty was busted driving 96mph near his home in Surrey. The case colapsed after the officer failed to appear in court. Then on February 24, '07, he was caught again (on camera) doing 88 in a 70 zone. This time the case was reported as "not called" after local authorities in Surrey failed to document the incident until after the six month time limitation . . . oops.

Like a round well played with Alastair McLean's help, Monty wasn't able to pull his legal birdies off alone. He enlisted the help of the ever-crafty shyster Nick Freeman. Freeman specializes in using subtle legal technicalities to get celebrity clients off the hook when they're caught disobeying the rules of the road. Apparently he's also helped Sir Alex Ferguson and David Beckham get acquitted of driving offenses. Damn, where was this guy when Paris Hilton needed him?

The Blazer wonders, for legendary greens keeper Carl Spackler's sake, can he be of any assistance in golf cart DUIs?

Green Blazin' Blog: Bill Murray Golf Cart DUI