Sunday, November 30, 2008

Tiger, Buick a refreshing divorce

Just as Tiger was starting to convince us that we need a new Buick, the pair decides to separate in a split that was both "mutual and amicable," as described by a spokesman for GM. The partnership began in 2000 with Tiger starring in numerous Buick commercials and donning the Buick logo on his bag. And as an added bonus, Tiger also won many Buick-sponsored golf tournaments. But let's be honest, the Tiger and Buick were always an odd couple.

Tiger represents golf's new generation. Although he is a far cry from the swashbuckling, collar-popping likes of Camilo Villegas and Anthony Kim, Tiger is the undisputed leader in golf's movement towards shedding its grandpa's game reputation. When Buick brought Tiger on 9 years ago, they were hoping to follow in golf's lead and rid themselves of their own geriatric reputation.

But Tiger's effect on Buick's image wasn't as profound as his effect on golf's image, and GM did nothing to give Tiger a helping hand. Not only did they keep the product line, they further depress their own brand with dismal vehicle names like Lucerne and Enclave. They obviously need more than Tiger's influence to attract new customers,as the company's demographic has hardly changed since 2000. Buick is still best represented by the 60-plus, stuffed-shirt country club man who can be found naked in the locker rooms of Anygreen CC, USA.

GM stands to save $7 million per year by severing ties with Tiger. GM also stands to get a large portion of the $25 billion purposed for the U.S. auto industry bailout plan, assuming the big three will be able to convince congress they need the loans some time in the next few days. The U.S. Treasury, however, will not be bailing Tiger out for the $7 million per year he's losing from GM. In the next few months, bidding wars will likely ensue to see who will be the next company emblem to rest on the shoulder of Steve Williams, the caddie who rests on the shoulder of Tiger. Maybe Nike will snatch it up, or maybe it will be a new branding altogether.

For now, check the time on your Tag Heuer watch, keep the Gatorade flowing, give your scruff a Mach 3 treatment and buy a Buick. GM clearly needs the money more than Tiger.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Captures and Captions - Tommy Gainey

Since its inception in 1962, Wal-mart's slogan has never changed. The phrase, Everyday Low Prices was to follow the aggressive Wal-Mart logo everywhere it was printed. That was until a short time ago when Wal-Mart sacrificed their current logo for something a little more green. A simple flower now accompanies an anything but bold font choice. And the new slogan: Save Money, Live Better is also a greener. But the company's passion to provide the consumer with the lowest prices possible and drive surrounding businesses out of town hasn't changed.

At this weeks Children's Miracle Network Classic presented by Wal-mart, many players were hoping to stay (or get) in the top 125, so that next year their profit potential wasn't cut in half like a mom and pop shop within a 30 mile radius of a Super Wal-Mart. Nothing short of a win would secure full exemption for Tommy "Two Gloves" Gainey. A 30 on the back nine Sunday left him just one shot back of Davis Love III who captured his 20th win and a lifetime exemption on the PGA Tour.

Tommy "Two Gloves" Gainey and caddie Don "Pull the Tape Tight" Donatello celebrate Gainey's 72 hole birdie.

Captions and Captures - Ricky Barnes

MAKING A COMEBACK: Ricky Barnes finished 25th on the Nationwide Tour money list and will be playing on the PGA Tour in 09'. He picked up a contract with Zubaz in the process.

Product Review - Castle Bay Iron Covers

A hack is not complete without a fine set of Castle Bay iron covers. These covers are made of the finest molded rubber, and feature tight squeeze openings to leave you struggling and annoyed all round long. The top of the line covers feature a string to keep you from losing them, but if you do, just dig through the lost and found of any 9 hole muni to get a replacement. Castle Bay offers a wide variety of colors including black, blue, red, and of course ... green.

PERFECT UP-SELL: Attention Salesman: Castle Bay iron covers is the great addition to any 21 piece RAM set.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Real news that could pass for satire ...

WEARING THE ORANGE: A drunk and disheveled John Daly actually showing more cleavage than this Hooters model in his Mug shot with the Forsythe County Sheriff

Drunken John Daly Jailed Following Hooters Incident

Golfer 'extremely intoxicated and
uncooperative' at N.C. restaurant

Winston-Salem Police were dispatched to a nearby Hooters restaurant early the morning of Sunday, Oct. 26, in response to a medical call. When officers arrived, golfer John Daly was unconscious and being treated by emergency personnel. According to police, Daly was "extremely intoxicated and uncooperative," and was asked to leave by several workers. 

After repeatedly refusing to be transported to the hospital, Daly was taken to Forsyth County Law Enforcement Detention Center where he would stay until he sobered up ... 24 hours later.

Daly is a two-time major winner with more than 15-year career on the PGA Tour. He has openly battled alcoholism for all of his career and even admits to winning mini-tour events while drunk prior to his breakout victory at the 1991 PGA Championship. 

JD has also has battled other forms of addiction, admitting to losing between 50 and 60 million dollars gambling. Daly's fourth wife, Sherrie Miller Daly, pleaded guilty to federal drug charges in 2004  and served a five-month prison term. Then in 2007, she allegedly tried to stab Daly with a steak knife following an argument at a restaurant in Memphis, Tennessee causing him to show up for his Friday afternoon tee time at the 2007 Stanford St. Jude Championship with noticeable scratches across his face. His last PGA Tour victory came at the 2004 Buick Invitational where he won in a playoff after hitting a long bunker shot that still frequents highlight reels.

The fact that his latest incident occurred at Hooters would leave most to believe that the incident involved groping a waitress, but lucky for John's already tattered reputation, aggravated sexual contact will not be the latest addition to the charges.

Although Daly's opportunities to play on the PGA Tour will be limited, he plans to utilize every opportunity to play on the European Tour in 2009.

Golfer/Celebrity Look-alikes 9

The Green Blazer is not the first to point out the similarities in the faces of Zack Johnson and Joaquin Phoenix; however, in light Joaquin's retirement news, G Blaze thought this would be a good time for Golfer/Celebrity Look-alikes 9