Friday, October 19, 2007

Robert Garrigus: Former Green Blazer. His 28" putter isn't the only thing that makes him unique

Robert Garrigus is unique on the PGA Tour player for more than one reason. There's his 28 inch putter. Six inches below the new standard length of 34"(See video below. What a horrible putt!).

The 28" putter lands Garrigus T78 in the tour's putting average, but he hits it a green mile and is safe for next year at 77th on the money list.

Before finishing 2nd at Q school in 2006, Garrigus was a typical college bro who enjoyed smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol whenever possible. He admits to getting stoned up to 10 times a day and frequently getting black out drunk. He sure wasn't in PGA tour form in those daze, but this Blazer is sure he was having a good time. This went on for years; until one day, in a drunken stoned-out haze, he decided to make his pipe dream a reality. He was posted up on his couch watching a golf tournament, and thought, "I should be out there." Soon after that, he checked himself into rehab. After checking out, he turned his full attention to golf. He certainly means business now, but the next step for Robert is to chalk up the all important "W" to prove he's here to stay. When he does record that first win, The Green Blazer has a hunch he stashed away a little something for that all important victory bowl.

You Da Man Garrigus! Good luck in '08

Monday, October 15, 2007

George McNeill says "Ya Know" 12 times

With his first PGA Tour victory coming at the Frys this weekend, George McNeill has certainly learned how to play in front of the camera. Now he just needs to learn how to speak in front of one.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

The Green Blazer Is Always Attracting . . .

Green Blazer Corps member Raymond from California sent us this photo with the caption "The Green Blazer is always attracting the pussy."

Thanks Raymond.
Crude, but, hilarious. Just what the Green Blazer's looking for . . .
Mail your contrubutions to

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Happy 18th Birthday, Michelle Wie. What better way to celebrate than participate in a repackaged Skins Game?

Two weeks ago Superhero Columnist the Desert Rat ( made a great point about the fading (lack) luster of the Skins Game. He suggested that, in the absence of big names like Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, perhaps an all-women format could reinvigorate an essentially meaningless November golf event that gets killed in the television ratings by Saturday college football games and Sunday NFL games.

Not only does The Green Blazer agree with The Rat, he demands further action: let's turn it into a real Skins game and have these beautiful ladies not only win Skins but lose clothes along the way. The LPGA has admittedly taken its sex appeal up a notch. The ladies could end up in bikinis, and if one were to lose yet another hole, she could either opt to cut her losses and quit, or plunge into the nearest body of water and keep playing.

With Michelle Wie recently turning 18, what better way to celebrate than by participating in the ultimate Skins Game threesome with Natalie Gulbis and Paula Creamer?

Ok Ok… just kidding. This will never happen, but with 74 percent of all golfers being male, the last article of clothing coming off at the real Skins Game would be the rating’s socks. Until that time, I guess it's just another Green Blazin' pipe dream.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Tiger: First the Barclays and now the Baptism

Tiger Woods reportedly missed his daughter's baptism for a charity golf event in California recently. Maybe this article from The Onion isn't so phony after all . . .

Sunday, October 7, 2007

For a great story about armless golfer George Utley check out this report on

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Hunter Going for the Quick Kill

As most people already know, Barbara Nicklaus was responsible for Woody Austin's goggles march the day after he fell into the water.

Since then, Barbara has been known as the new prankster in the golf world, and she’s making sure to live up to that reputation. She claimed another victim the week of The President’s Cup, but this story seemed to sneak under the radar. 25 year old Hunter Mahan was on the receiving end of another practical joke by wacky Barbara Nicklaus, but it wasn’t all shits and giggles to Hunter:

Barbara then made her way up to Hunter’s room at the scheduled time of his meeting with the mystery suitor. She left a doll she called Monique by the door. She then knocked on Hunter's door and quickly slipped around the corner snickering to herself. It was reported that Hunter was unsettled by the event. "He didn't take that too good, I don't think," said Scott Verplank following the incident.

Hunter was probably embarrassed after being duped. From his view, Mrs. Nicklaus is just trying to help him get some action on the down-low. Now it’s public news that Hunter wants the a quick score. The Blazer is sure Hunter learned his lesson and won't try to get an easy lay ever again. Way to go Barbara … pfft

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Nick Faldo's E-monument to Me

The other day The Blazer stumbled across Nick Faldo's website while trying to get information on Faldo's history with the now PGA-banned substance "beta blocker." While it's not uncommon to see a golfer with an official website, there is something unusually egomaniacal about From And it isn't the dissolving Faldo photo reel, or the sub-head about Faldo entitled "The Man," or the Nick Faldo Fan Club, or even the fine selection of Faldo wines. It's the fact that the site is narrated in a first person format, so instead of it looking like someone designed a promotional site about Nick Faldo, it looks like Faldo built himself a "monument to me" in cyberspace.

On the home page alone, Faldo makes more than 25 references to himself using the words "me," "myself," or "I." That's compared to less than 10 Tiger Woods references on Woods' home page, and Woods' is much less "conspicuously-proud-of-myself" third person. And as you would have guessed, none of Faldo's monologues involved any reflection on his history with beta blockers. But The Blazer did find several other little nuggets he thought he'd share.

Under subhead "The Man," (below the dissolving Nick Faldo photo library, to the left of the giant photo of Nick Faldo), and on the Faldo Enterprises diary, you will find some great first person Faldoisms, including "I also enjoy a lot of the female singers" and "We ended up at a huge glacier and took a trip across the ice in a snow-mobile."

Below is a list of Nick Faldo snippets that The Blazer pasted from these sections.

"I am actively involved with several charities"

"I commentated for the Pebble Beach Pro-Am"

"I've got a genuine passion for course design"

"I've been through every international time-zone there is"

"I'm destined to work with the best that the fairer sex has to offer the sport"

"my daughter, Georgia went for a couple of hours horse-riding"

"We ended up at a huge glacier and took a trip across the ice in a snow-mobile"

"I even had a word with Tiger"

"I like Australia"

"I also like the Californian area"

"I can't recommend Iceland enough"

"I had a break from commentary at the beginning of February to head out to China for the first Faldo Series Asia grand final, which was played over my own course design"

"I also managed to find time to visit Reykjavik Golf Club for the inaugural Faldo Series Iceland championship ... I turned up as a bit of a surprise to watch the last few holes"

"I often wonder what it would be like to be a professional sportsman outside of golf ... I like the fact that you are in an arena"

"I should have been a footballer"

Whew! All that and still no mention of the beta blockers. As it turns out, it was another Nick who was using beta blockers(hint - Two in a row 1994. hint 2 - "what is the _ _ _ _ _ of that item"). And that Nick was prescribed the substance for a heart condition. Now let's put the focus back on Faldo (I'm sure he would want it that way). Here is a picture of what Nick Faldo would look like if he was struggling to get off the shit.

If Nick was to need further help, he should contact Robert Garrigus. There is a different drug that is now be tested also that could help Faldo to ease the transition -Robert Garrigus is a former green blazer

If any players do test positive for an illegal drug next year, it is more likely it will be Garrigus' drug of choice rather than steriods, beta blockers, or any other now illegal substance. Afterall, all golfers love the euphoria they get from hitting the greens.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Groove Review

We are now officially in the off season, and the groove debate has resurfaced once again. The USGA has still not made an official ruling on which grooves will be made illegal, but The Green Blazer thought he would give a quick groove review of the different kinds of grooves in golf today.

Square Grooves - A nonspecific term that includes both U grooves and Box grooves, and eventually, maybe even Y grooves.

Box Grooves - Form right angles at the top and bottom of the groove, and the only groove in the groove review that is presently illegal.

U Grooves - Square at the top of the groove. Identifiable by a curved "U" at the bottom of the groove

V Grooves - Grooves that come to a triangular point at the end, limiting the amount of spin the ball receives

Y Grooves - "V grooves" that square off at a specific deepness to form the shape of a Y

Smooth Grooves - Sensual assortment of R & B and soul music from Rhino Records, available in 12 volumes

Monday, October 1, 2007

Jenni Carlson on Fat Golfers: The Pot Calling the Kettle Black?

By now I'm sure we've all heard about Oklahoma coach Mike Gundy ripping the head off a newspaper columnist from the Oklahoman before shitting down her throat. In case you still haven't seen it, check it out below. Notice how he implies that this columnist is fat and unlovable by playing up the fact that she doesn't have any children. As he makes threatening gestures in the her direction, we can't help but wonder "Who is this writer who was able to inspire such hatred in Gundy?" The camera never pans over.

Her name is Jenni Carlson, in the video below she is doing a bit on Tiger Woods, who she obviously wants to father the children Gundy criticizes her for not having. After seeing her and watching the video The Blazer is starting to realize what Gundy found so annoying. At one point she takes a pot shot at golfers for using golf carts and having beer guts, to which The Blazer responded by thinking "Oh no she dih ent." I believe the proverbial phrase for that would be "The pot calling the kettle black."