Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Golf Channel gives up

It's 9:00 on a Friday evening. The Green Blazer is staying in as the first Saturday morning tee time at the club is worth sacrificing a night out for. Hey, why not throw on The Golf Channel and hop onto the blogosphere for some catching up? What's this? Did the cable company flip the script on the channel lineup again? It's the same old story; just when we get a hold on the channels, they decide it's time for a change. But wait ... They didn't change the lineup, so why is Analyze This airing on The Golf Channel?

The Golf Channel roasted their nuts over an open fire last Friday when after seemingly running out of golf movies and Big Break reruns, they stepped over a distinct line and aired a movie starring Robert Deniro and Billy Crystal that doesn't even have a golf scene.

The move either slipped under the radar or went over well from their perspective, so the programming geniuses threw the towel in deeper with Point Break on Saturday (even a disgusted Blazer had a hard time turning the channel when Swayze is pimping the big screen).

By crossing this boundary, The Golf Channel is basically telling its viewers they've given up. They are no longer capable of providing enough interesting material, so they have been reduced to luring viewers with 90s movies.

TGC needs to stick to golf related programming. With dozens of other movie channels, On-Demand, and a cabinet full of DVDs, people need golf when they flip to The Golf Channel. They would be better off looping Tin Cup, giving The Hammer some free air time, or gaining permission to air a golf-centric episode Everybody Loves Raymond.

The Golf Channel ... "Golf's home" (but it you come knocking and golf isn't home to answer, whatever old movie they find lying around will).

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

On this day in 1973 ...

Walt Disney's The Golf Resort opened.

Originally featuring 125 rooms, it was located near the Palm and Magnolia golf courses between the Polynesian and piece of land that would eventually become the Grand Floridian.

To appeal to more than just golfers, The Golf Resort became the Disney Inn in February of 1986. It was remodeled to include another 150 rooms and feature a Snow White theme.

In February of 1994, the Disney Inn was leased by the U.S. Government for military personnel and the name changed to Shades of Green (The Green Blazer had an impact on the name change, but we'll save that story for a different Green Blazer thread).

The government purchased the resort outright in 1996. Shades of Green was not staffed by Disney Cast Members and civilians could no longer stay there. Recently the complex was closed and torn down for remodeling (and by the look of that sign, which resembles one that would be found at a trailer park entrance, it may have needed it).

Monday, December 13, 2010

Who says comics and golf don't mix?

Not The Green Blazer, and now not Golf Digest either.

For the first time ever, Golf Digest/Golf World released their 2010 Newsmakers in hand drawn pictures. Among the featured stories was "Tiger Tribulations" and a few paragraphs likening Dustin Johnson to Forest Gump, as Johnson seemed to be part of every big non-Tiger story in 2010. After you're done filing your next TPS report at your corporate job, peep the link and check it out.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

On this day in 1899 ...

George F Bryant of Boston patented the wooden golf tee, so naturally we must power out a scroll show showing the tee's progression over the years. Note -- all pics were taken from Google images and are being used with absolutely no permission ... Enjoy.

A golfer in 1921 gets poopy fingers as she reaches into a "tee box" to retrieve a handful of wet sand, which would then be shaped into a tee for the golf ball. The 1744 rules of golf said that the golfer must tee up within one club length of the previous hole; Ol' Blaze is sure this move is still used today a couple times a year at munis across America.

111 years ago today, American dentist, Harvard Grad, Dr George F Grant was the first American to patent a tee that he had invented in 1898. It was a peg with a rubber top and was pushed into the ground, and is very close to the modern tee, but but it did not have a concave head. He did not market it and neither this nor any other previous tee inventions caught on.

That was until another denti, who obviously idolized Grant and wanted to follow his footsteps, became responsible for sending tees commercial as he, with the help of Maplewood Golf Club, released the Reddy Tee.

This is the point where tee evolution stalled for decades, but over the last ten years numerous options have become available:

The Zero Friction tripod top tee has a tour presence, guarantees higher ball speed and rarely breaks, although it bends to the point it's rendered virtually useless*

*yet you fail to trash the deformed plastic tee for some reason, so it just takes up space in your bag and eventually you're just swimming through a school of bent tees looking for a straight one. This display of disorganization probably costs you a couple strokes a year.

Stinger brand tees clearly display the numerous options of small top tees, although good luck finding a small top tee at Golf Galaxy. For some reason, the retailer no longer stocks a single one. Also, their generic Zero Friction are more expensive than the real thing only disguised with larger packaging.

Most people have likely heard of Brush T, and all people should feel foolish using one.

And although many other variations have come and gone without really catching on, there is one more worth mentioning. The name of the next tee is also what you get by only playing nine holes (and also what we call around the club, Dipping the tip e.g. "You playing 18 today Blaze?" "No ... Just getting a golf tease and dipping the tip for nine).

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Golfers getting gay

Are Notah Begay and Brian Gay the only gays in men's pro golf?

While digging through old pics of Ben Hogan on AP Images, The Green Blazer stumbled across a couple of gay images of the action from Monday's Thailand Skins Game where Tiger Woods, Camilo Villegas, Paul Casey and Thongchai Jaidee tee'd it up for charity.

By gay we of course mean happy. Just look at how relaxed and happy Tiger and Paul Casey look taking that effeminate pose in their matching pink Nike shirts, hands nearly touching and they lean on Paul's bag.

Francesco Molinari (also in pink) and Lee Westwood's caddy also look very happy in this picture taken at the HSBC Champions tournament in Shanghai:

Monday, November 8, 2010

HSBC war zone has got nothing on 1940 England

The Green Blazer may be peering too far through the haze on this one, but did anyone notice the considerable amount of war jargon that was tossed around in reference to last week's HSBC Champions tournament?

The headline "Shanghai is a war zone as golf’s battle for No.1 begins" was the first to jump out at us, but there have been others. Not to mention this photo from The Associated Press, which playfully illustrates Phil Mickelson and Martin Kaymer going to battle in classic swordsman fighter's stances.

It's true, there was a metaphorical war going on over the coveted No. 1 spot last weekend, as Mickelson, Kaymer, Lee Westwood, and Tiger Woods all had a shot at nabbing the No. 1 ranking at the event that has been referred to as China's major. Even though Francesco Moninari won the tournament, it was Westwood who ended up winning the battle and keeping his No. 1 ranking.

But for some, the media-embraced war clich├ęs are doing more than symbolizing the intensity of the fight for the top spot. They are hearkening back to a time when a golf-war analogy couldn’t be thrown around without many taking it literally.

This circa-1940 "temporary rules card" from England’s Richmond Golf Club was recently forwarded to the Blazer as part of a chain of Internet meme (its cyberspace momentum perpetuated, no doubt, by members of the e-mail-chain-loving baby boomer generation). It’s an artifact from the WWII era, when golf and war did not have enough distance between them to allow for metaphors that combined the two. The sender, who refers to his or herself only as "Nice Ash," says it’s 100 percent real.

Normally, The Green Blazer Corps deletes messages from the e-mail forwarding baby boomer generation as nonchalantly as hack bumping his lie, but this one obviously grabbed our attention.

And speaking of nonchalance, how bout those Brits?


Thursday, October 28, 2010

Sun Mountain prez ducks rainsuit accountability

Did players get what they deserved by choosing second tier gear?

When you don't admit your golf product is second-rate after it is slammed by nearly every top American golfer, it's safe to assume nothing will change your mind.

Sun Mountain founder and president Rick Reimers finally spoke on the phone about the criticism that his rain gear received by the American team at the Ryder Cup.

But, Reimers didn't take the approach many good CEOs would take -- He defended the faulty suit.

Shane Bacon, writer for the Yahoo! Sports Devil Ball golf blog, reported that Reimers admitted that he was as confused (and depressed) as anyone, going as far as putting an employee in a shower for two hours with the team's rain suit with no leakage.

"We think nobody got wet with rain coming through the garment," Reimers said. "Did the outside material hold more moisture than you’d like? Probably. When something gets soaked, it feels cold on the skin. People might interpret that as being wet."

Reimers' point that uncomfortable, cold rain gear can still be waterproof is trivial. The quality debate was over as soon as the players turned them in, but it's hard not to sympathize with Reimers. He makes a good point that had the rain gear received 100 percent satisfaction, no one would have ever heard about it. Bacon certainly goes on to side with Reimers, encouraging the readers to go buy a Sun Mountain rain gear. G-Blaze couldn't disagree more.

First, if any person with a taste for quality golf products went to their local shop to purchase a best-of-the-best rain suit, they would skip right over a Sun Mountain product. It's not that the product is bad, it is just not what a golf product connoisseur would consider premier and not the choice of top professionals (note: save your Sun Mountain testimonials, please). If Sun Mountain wasn't planning to do a complete redesign of their materials, the U.S. Ryder Cup Team should have expected to get a second-rate rain suit. Or, was it the redesign that affected the quality? Had Sun Mountain given the players their stock gear would it have sufficed? This was primarily a materials issue. The gear was too bulky and retained the moisture, even if it didn't soak all the way through. It is more likely that if the Ryder Cup gear was inferior their materials across the line are inferior.

Second, Sun Mountain's president took a completely wrong approach of dealing with the situation. He first took a page of of Tiger's book of bad pr moves by failing to speak in a timely manner. He waited until the situation cooled down (much like a golfer cooling down in his Sun Mountain rain gear).

Then, Reimers doesn't admit fault. He doesn't say he was sorry that the players were forced to buy new suits from the merch tents. He doesn't mention caption Corey Pavin explicitly stating they were not doing what we wanted them to do. He basically questions the best players in the world's intelligence by defending his product's waterproofing.

It would have been nice to hear Reimers at least say that Sun Mountain was going to take a long, hard look at their product design, so the game's top players can have trust in Sun Mountain products. The only mention of improving the product was said in the context that Sun Mountain has been continuously striving to improve their products since their inception 40 years ago. If that's the case, they've had 40 years and still haven't figured out rain gear.

If Sun Mountain does get a second shot with the U.S. players at the Presidents Cup, the Reimers interview indicated they may get a product of similar quality. Of course, it'is doubtful that Sun Mountain will win the bid. If there is one thing G-Blaze has learned from buying an Odyssey Backstryke, it's that when it comes to golf products ... Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me ... can't get fooled again.

Friday, October 22, 2010

The Grand Slam of golf ... Give it up already

The 2010 Grand Slam of golf recently finished up and most people didn't have a clue. That's because it is clear that the event that is supposed to bring together each year's major champions has lost its clout.

This year's Grand Slam of golf featured 2010 U.S. Open winner Graeme McDowell and PGA Championship winner Martin Kaymer. Since British Open winner Louis Oosthuizen and Masters champion Phil Mickelson were too busy, Ernie Els and David Toms were brought in.

The tourney organizers were likely thrilled when Els said he'd play, but Toms inclusion makes many wonder how far down the list they had to go to complete the foursome. It is nearly certain that Jim Furyk turned down the chance as he played in 2006, 2007 and 2008 even though his lone major win came back at the 2003 U.S. Open. And you know after a couple near misses, ol' Dusty J-Bone received an invite.

Last year was the first year since 2004 that all four major champions participated when Cabrera, Glover, Cink and Yang tee'd it up. Had a bigger name won a major, '09 would have likely been void of a major winner as well.

It won't be long before none of the year's major winners will want to participate, which will put a fast end to an event that has been fizzling out for years.

In case anyone cares, Ernie Els ran off three straight birdies on the back nine Wednesday and turned a three-shot deficit into a one-shot victory over Toms.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Thoughts from the Ryder Cup opening ceremony

Players make funny faces as singer Katherine Jenkins performs during the 2010 Ryder Cup opening ceremony at the Celtic Manor golf course in Newport, Wales, Thursday, Sept. 30, 2010. click to enlarge

Friday, September 10, 2010

Remembering the '09 BMW Championship

G-Blaze's view count on youtube went through the roof this week when the commentators brought this moment back into everyone's minds:

He definitely had himself a good cry after this one

Friday, September 3, 2010

Wrong Chris Wood, Devil Ball

Yahoo Devil Ball blogger Jay Busbee did a piece Friday (even though the news broke Tuesday) about a kid from Wisconsin who disqualified himself from a tournament after the head pro at his home club, Chris Wood discovered a fifteenth club in his bag hours after the round. The only problem was ...

Either Busbee's auto-link picked up the wrong Chris Wood, or the writer of Devil Ball thinks a guy who has $1.6 million in career earnings picked up a job as a head pro in Wisconsin:


The man that the article is actually referring to is this Chris Wood, the well-respected head golf professional at Rivermoor Golf Club near Milwaukee in Waterford, WI:


Monday, August 30, 2010

DBrush ... Helping cheaters take an inch

Historically pocket brushes for golf lived true to their name, they filled your pocket. DBrush changed that when they came up with a brush the size of a quarter, but along with it they gave the inchers a handy new tool for cheating.

Back in 2007, The Green Blazer wrote a piece on the now played-out MySpace, my only blogging outlet at the time, about a subject that most people probably think about but few talk about: Inching. A player inches when he replaces his ball slightly closer to the hole than he marked it.


Most inchers put the mark as tightly as possible behind the ball and then replace it with a slight gap between the mark and the ball. If an incher doubles his or her DBrush as a mark, the wedge shape has the cheater inching with ease. Off the course, an inching man is probably more likely to invest in products like natural male enhancement pills and the penis pump than a non-incher.

Probably the most famous case of inching involved Scotsman Lindsay Smith who had his membership suspended from the prestigious Nairn Golf Club after being branded a cheat. Wind of the incident blew into the Green Blazer's cipher when Smith, a one handicap senior bank official, escalated the matter all the way to the high courts of Scotland, and the story began tracking on the internet news sites.

Here's how John Robertson of the Scotsman Newspaper described the incident that got Smith removed: "On the tenth green, Mr. Scott told Mr. Smith he had marked his ball wrongly by placing the marker in front, rather than behind the ball, so that when he replaced the ball it had been closer to the hole than when he lifted it. He alleged that the same thing had happened at the seventh hole. Mr Smith denied the accusations."

Who knows, there may have been some club politics involved the suspension. Maybe Smith was disliked by some members of the board, or maybe he was liked too well by their wives. The Scotsman also mentioned, however, that "There had been similar allegations made against him twice in the past." So the club suspended him, and branded the message that Nairn will not be regarded as a place that takes fondly to those that compromise the rules set forth by the R&A. The Court of Session in Edinburgh eventually found nothing wrong with the way the golf club reacted, and the ruling for this extreme case of inching made The Green Blazer as excited as a Scotsman with a plaid tumbler full of Macallan 25.

Does inching really make a difference? The wife of a male incher might tell you indeed it does. And a 35 inch putt is easier to knock-in than a 36 inch putt, assuming the conditions are the same.

The Green Blazer would like to urge everyone to give future opponents a stern warning the next time you witness them inching. In a friendly game, give your partner a hard time about an inching incident. Tell him or her Timberland boots might make a person taller but you'd look ridiculous wearing them at a wedding. Then refer them to the amazon.com's Swedish vacuum enhancer pistol.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Survey: Giving up in playoff game worse than cheating on wife

Amid Tiger Woods' torrent of torrid love affairs hitting the main stream, he is still America's favorite athlete -- he'll just have to share that spot with Kobe Bryant. LeBron James fell from 3rd to 6th.

Woods had held the position alone since 2006, but the Los Angeles Lakers guard moved up from fourth last year to grab a share of the top spot, Harris Interactive said Tuesday.

If anal sex counts, Woods isn't the only one in that top spot that has an adulterous past (or present). Bryant also has a splitting history with cheating on his wife, and Bryant's isolated incident may have been worse because the 19-year-old said she told him to stop.

LeBron dropped significantly on men's side in the company’s survey of 2,227 people that was conducted online from June 14-21, before he left Cleveland to sign with Miami.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Stinky Cinky not in "Big Three"

Although over 1.2 million Twitter followers and a British Open is impressive, Stewart Cink should not be the other guy next to Tiger and Phil in PGATour.com's "The Big Three."

sidenote: David Letterman's Top Ten surprising facts about Stewart Cink both made The Blazer laugh and grow slightly fonder of Stewart Cink.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Link housekeeping

Bloggers need to cut the fat on links
G-Blaze has had enough ... Bloggers need to join together and commit to scrutinizing their links more routinely. If the posters aren't posting, then so goes their link.

It seems everyone is too scared of offending another blogger by taking down a pointless link or they just don't check their links often enough -- they just plop them up and forget it.

The requirement for link removal should be subjective, analyzed on a case by case basis. As we know, there exists a few different types of blogging personalities.

There's the Streaky motivation blogger, who has high quality posts, but randomly a couple times a month. The Green Blazer is an SMB, and so is my man Bob Smiley at Fore Right.

Many SMBs strive to be an Everyday blogger, but often never make it because they either don't want to sacrifice quality for quantity or just never quite commit. Committing is difficult especially if no one reads your posts as is the case with many blogs (if a blogger makes a post and nobody reads it, was it ever really a post?). Tony at Hooked on Golf Blog is an everyday blogger, so is The Golf Girl, and so are some of the humps at Yahoo, who make pointless posts with generic titles like, "Woods looks uncertain entering British Open."

Many SMBs are worthy of linkage, just so long as they don't become a Gave up blogger. These are the type that should be removed from links. If you're blog goes months without an update and your stuff wasn't that ground breaking to begin with, it's safe to say you've given up on it. If you want to get your link back you should have to earn it be posting.

While recently visiting one of the golf blogs mentioned above, The Golf Girl's Diary (a golf blog that actually has a strong following) I noticed an extensive list of "Woman blog about golf" links.

Of the 17 links, 2 were broken, three hadn't had a single 2010 post and two hadn't posted in several months. One this short list, seven of the 17 should probably be cut, which would of course increase the value of the posting bloggers.

G-Blaze is using The Golf Girl as an example (I may have called out someone else if she hadn't removed her link to The Green Blazin' blog), but there exists unworthy links in close to every extensive link list out there.

What are you waiting for bloggers? Quit being scared to offend a non-poster. It's time to clean house.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Man searches for ways to avoid being annoying walker

Exploring alternatives to riding
Have you ever been annoyed by four walkers enjoying the day while you're trying to play a fast round of golf? If you haven't you're probably either an annoying walker yourself or you welcome slow play because you like to spend as much time as possible on the course as your nagging wife only permits you to play nine holes per week.

With country club membership dues at record lows, broke ass golfers everywhere finally get a chance to be a member at a private club. Clubs that once had 10 year waiting lists and 20k down strokes just to get in the door are now one step away from implementing a Little Caesars style panhandle marketing campaign.

This following is the situation a Green Blazer Corps member by the name of Stefan Core found himself in:

He was ready to pull the trigger on a steal of a membership at 5k/yr but before signing on the dotted line he was informed that golf cars are not included. He would basically be forced into dropping $20 every time he wanted to play. After confirming that the club would not allow him to use and store his own golf car on premises, Stefan began his search for alternatives.

His first thought was to look into a golf specific mall cop style Segway. He found exactly what he had in mind, the Segway x2 Golf. For a one time fee of $4300 used his problems could be solved. He was ready to make the purchase, but decided he better run it by the country club first. The old codgers on the board quickly shot him down saying it qualified as a golf car under the club's definition.

If only he could create a vehicle that looked like a pull cart only with a kickstand that would support his weight. He decided to check the ultimate source for amateur engineers looking to display their talents ... Youtube.

He quickly found a vehicle called the ParScooter. It's nothing more than a nancyboy scooter with an electric motor and a pull cart attachment:

But that wasn't all he found. In the process, he stumbled upon a golf car that has nothing to do with serving his needs, but was funny to watch immediately after watching the ParScooter:

In the end, Stefan decided to get the membership and buy a Bat Caddy X3R. Now not only is he an annoying walker, he's an annoying walker with an even more annoying electric push cart.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Not "icy", just Tiger

"Tiger growls at media"
"Tetchy Tiger dodges personal questions"
"Woods turns icy at personal questions"
"Woods loses cool over questions"

How can you lose your cool and be icy? Above are just a few of the headlines following Tiger Woods press conference in Ireland.

Finding a video of the conference proved to be a difficult task, but after trying many sources, ol' faithful youtube had at least part of the Tiger Woods press conference that made "icy" Tuesday's buzz word (hint -- to find the latest videos on youtube, switch your search options to sort by "date uploaded").

Based on the 55 second clip, G-Blaze thinks Tiger was rather timid, yet 55 seconds isn't very long. One word answers are nothing new to the world No. 1, a man who is probably more annoyed with the media vultures that anyone on the planet. He was giving one word answers to questions before he got caught pounding strange*, and he will certainly do so now.

In the end, Tiger haters will continue to hate and the people that like him will continue to defend him. As long as he remains the best player in the game, he'll always be golf's top story.

*strange is a term married men use to describe a woman they've slept with other than their wife.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Adidas: If golfers could play barefoot, they would

In the midst of pimping their new shoe line, an exec (more likely a hired actor) for Adidas makes the claim, "If golfers could play golf barefoot, they would." The truth is that they can, but the don't.

The Blazer's initial inclination was to zing Adidas for putting this line in their commercial, but instead decided to throttle back and research the subject.

I tried a number of combinations on Google: golf + barefoot; golf + barefoot + pga tour; "barefoot golfers"; "barefoot professional golfers." None seemed to give me the comprehensive piece I was looking for.

There was a number of sites talking about the merits of playing barefoot most talking about the extra feel that they had. But, these comments were likely from high handicap hacks who have no feel with or without shoes.

The best source found was a thread on golfwrx.com. Much of the commentary related around pesticides and the negative effect barefoot golfing could cause to your body. One commenter even told a partially related story about a player that used to put his balls in his mouth (clean his golf ball by putting it in his mouth):

Golfwrx member Artemicion:
"Apparently there's a documented case of a guy who liked to clean his golf balls by putting them in his mouth while others were putting. After a while he fell ill and was eventually hospitalized and diagnosed with two types of hepatitis, of which one was an unknown type. After an extended stay he was fully cured, returned to the golf course and his habit of gobbling golf balls, and after a while fell ill again with the same disease. Doctors hypothesized the ingestion of pesticides, fertilizer and other stuff found on greens might be the cause, and urged the man to give up his habit. Apparently he's been healthy since."

But certainly the funniest comment was, "Two words, Goose Dookie!" (click here for The Green Blazer's -- "Geese are the shits" piece)

The only pro referenced in the thread was Sam Snead, who was said to play and practice barefoot. He even played a few holes barefoot at Augusta one year according to some hump on wrx.

If golfing barefoot was really something professionals believed would improve their game and pesticides were the only thing keeping them in shoes, it is certain that some sort of extra sensitivity latex foot condom would have been designed. In fact, it would probably be designed by Callaway since they never miss an opportunity to put their name on some crappy product idea.


Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Did The King sell out to sweetness?

Arizona responsible for Arnold Palmer's ruin

Bartender: What can I get you Arnie?

Arnold Palmer: "Iced tea ... But why don't you sweeten it up a bit with some lemonade this time. Just go ahead and make it 50-50, lemonade and iced tea."

Bar patron: "Hmmm ... That's sounds refreshing. I'll have what Arnie is having."

Bartender: "So two ... umm ... Arnold Palmers coming right up."

The scenario above outlines an account of how the Arnold Palmer drink was created. You take an unsweetened drink, combine it with something sweet (in this case lemonade) and you come out with a tasty yet still thirst quenching drink.

Those days are long gone.

When most people think of an Arnold Palmer now, they picture a plastic bottle -- the upper half resembling a golf ball and the lower half containing Arnie's ugly mug. That product is different entirely. It's two sweet drinks combined, the end product having little to do with the original drink idea of sweetening a sugarless drink.

With the nation buzzed on high fructose corn syrup, Arizona wasn't about to keep the drink under the parameter in which it was created. What they did instead is the drink equivalent of deep frying a piece of celery in chocolate sauce before spreading it with peanut butter.

Arizona simply took their own high fructose tea recipe and combined it with their high fructose lemonade recipe destroying the hydration benefits by weighing the entire drink down with sugar.

So was Arnie involved in Arizona's discussion of how the drink with be created? Was he told that they would need to compromise his ingenuity to appeal to the boneheaded masses? Few know for sure, but if the question was posed to Arnie, he would probably say ... "What the hell is this idiot talking about."

Friday, June 4, 2010

Heavy Putter stingy with butt plugs

Attempting to turn a Cameron into a Heavy Putter
Heavy Putter made a name for itself in the golf equipment industry by doing something that no other company has done before -- making putters with very high head weights and counteracting the head weight with a heavy metal butt plug.

Experienced butt plug users know that the plug better fit just right or it could get messy.

Recently a member of the Green Blazer Corps, Rob Digital, decided he no longer liked his Scotty Cameron Kombi long putter, so he chopped it down to 33 inches and started using it as a regular putter. But, there was a problem: the head weight was so high (500 grams) that he felt like he was swinging a noodle with a meat ball at the end of it. Enter the butt plug.

Heavy Putter inserts a 250 gram butt plug into all of their putters to increase the putter's total weight and move the balance point up. Upon doing some research, Rob Digital decided to see if any company besides Heavy Putter was making butt plugs. He found numerous butt plugs online, some double bubble, some triple ripple and some inflatable vibrating, but the closest thing he could find that would work is a GolfSmith universal butt plug.

After even more research, he found that even if the universal butt plug was filled with tungsten, it would weigh just 70 grams, 180 grams less than Heavy Putter's butt plug. Hmmm ... What does a person do when they can't seem to find a butt plug that fits their needs?

Rob called Heavy Putter and told then he ordered a Heavy Putter head on Ebay, and would like to purchase one of their custom butt plugs. Heavy Putter quickly replied that although they would fix one of their putters that had a broken shaft, they do not sell their butt plugs to anybody, even if a vendor tries to order one.

So Rob decided to take matters into his own hands. After digging around his garage, he found a rusty solid steel rod that looked like it would fit in his butt. He weighed the rod and found that it conveniently weighed exactly 250 grams. He jammed the steel rod in his butt as far as it would without doing damage; he said it felt great when the rod made it all the way in. Rob threw on a new grip on and he now has his very own Scotty Cameron Heavy Putter knock-off.

The moral of the story: Finding the right butt plug for you can be a difficult task, but if you open your mind and think outside the box, you may find the perfect butt plug in a place you wouldn't expect.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

You know it's a dump driving range when ...

They charge you to putt ...

Thanks to Jasper Keaton for sending this over

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Out of his range

Jerry Rice makes embarrassing gaffe
Since the golfer is responsible for the caddie he chooses, G-Blaze is gonna go ahead and call this blunder embarrassing rather than humiliating ...

Adding insult to injury Jerry Rice disqualified himself from the Nationwide Tour event he took last in with rounds of 92-82 by using a laser range finder during the second round. The fact that Rice didn't know that this was illegal should completely blow the mind of every competitive golfer out there. Another question is that if Rice and his caddie thought this was legal, why weren't they using it on every shot that week? You mean they were eyeballing yardage when they thought they could gun it?

Rice admitted after the round that he isn't good enough for this type of competition and will not be playing any Nationwide Tour events in the future.

There is one bright spot in what had to go down as one of Jerry Rice's worst weeks ever ... At least he wasn't using a SkyCaddie.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Tiger Woods' fat-mouthed neighbor launches profiteering website

Fellow Isleworth resident claims to give untold story of world No. 1

It took him a hot minute but fellow Isleworth resident to Tiger Woods, Jerome (Jay) Adams is the latest profiteer trying to gain off the world No. 1 golfer's fall from grace.

James recently launched a pay-per-view website which he claims will provide stories of Tiger Woods never heard until now. James claims in a preview video on the site that he will give an “eyewitness account” of the Woods car accident scene on Nov. 27 even though it was Adams' brother Jarius that provided details to police the night of the car accident.

Jerome James goes on to claim in the same video on his new pay-per-view website that now his family wants “to tell exactly what happened that night.”

The only way this hump could know exactly what happened is if he was peeping in the windows the billionaire golfer's home that night. If James really wanted the story out then he wouldn't be be charging $4 for the privilege of hearing it. This is simply the latest in the many money-making ploys targeting Tiger Woods.

James, who admittedly is disdainful towards Woods, makes claim about Woods and his treatment of wife Elin Nordegren that James likely completely blew out of proportion. In the first PPV clip on the site, sportsbybrooks.com reports that Adams says he once saw Tiger push Elin to hurry her up when Tiger was eager to leave. Adams says he witnessed Woods grabbing one of Elin’s arms and, “he shoves her. … I was stunned by what I saw.”

There is no evidence behind James' claims, but alas he will release another video that he says will focus on the Thanksgiving accident scene.

Further proof that he would use his unique position to exacerbate stories for a few thousand dollars, Jay-bone even came up with a fresh, novel-like title for his m.m.o. -- "Behind the Gates, The Untold Story (Until Now!) of Tiger Woods."

note -- In unpromotional spirit, The Green Blazer will not be including a link to James' website

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Being Badds is good unless he's "stacked"

A year removed from Aaron Baddeley quitting the stack and tilt golf swing, the "I'm stacked" commercial continues to buzz like a knat in Golf Channel viewers' ears worse than the sound of Michael Breeds' voice.

Apparently Badds stacked off all his chips in his relationship with the pros behind the video series, "The Stack and Tilt Golf Swing" and they just continue to run it regardless of Badds is stacked or not.

It's worth mentioning that there is a direct correlation between Aaron Baddeley adopting the stack and tilt swing method and his plummet in the world rankings.

For The Green Blazer's detailed description of the stack and tilt golf swing, click here.

He's not stacked ... But the commercial still is.

Those bars on the side of the screen indicate that The Stack and Tilt commercial is not HD compatible.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Tiger Woods pissed ... And the Blazer loves it!

This is what everyone will be freaking out about later today. G-Blaze loves it when Tiger gets pissed and loves it even more when he's fist pumping for victory. When I heard he was going to tone down his emotions I thought, "Shit this sucks ... Tiger is not going to get pissed anymore; that's a bunch of bullshit."

People make such a big deal about his temper, but we at The Green Blazer Corps love it. "Oh ... the children," they say. "Oh ... he's not being respectful of the game." That's a bunch of hog wash. If anybody is really that offended by his outbursts, they're probably a complete pussy.

Here's Tiger with a perfectly normal response for an athlete that just made an error:

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Tiger hater makes funny at Augusta

G-Blaze grabbed this pic from sportsbybrooks.com -- the authority in sports gossip. If only Tiger could hit is high and long enough to bring that plane down in a barrage of golf balls.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

You know you're a hack when ...

You use your retriever so often that you finish a round with more golf balls than you started with ...

The always desperate Callaway never misses an opportunity to capitalize on the hack market. This retriever pictured here with headcover is the perfect compliment to your Odyssey chipper.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Tiger still bested by tiger in Google search

Reported today by Green Blazer Media Group, world No. 1 Tiger Woods is still being one-uped by tiger, the striped feline that is the favorite animal among many young children, in Google image search results.

When a Googler types "Tiger" in the search box, the billionaire golfer doesn't make it on the first page. In fact, it isn't until page-10 that the golfer makes his first appearance showing that although he might be bigger than the game of golf, he's not bigger than the entire animal kingdom.

It has not yet been announced whether Woods' team will attempt a "Google Bomb" or any practices intended to challenge the big cat for the No. 1 spot.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Tiger "New Endorsement" posts were never funny

... and now they're getting more played out than Hip Hoppers 'keeping it real.'

So in the spirit of keeping it real, G-Blaze made a vow with himself to never come up with his own clever version of a satirical "Tiger's new endorsement" post.

Instead, we will go ahead and review some bloggers' ideas of a funny post in order of how obvious and stupid they are. note -- If you think these are funny, you probably don't have a very good sense of humor.

-- This one is certainly the stupidest. Any idiot could come up with this, but I'm sure the douchebag who posted it was very proud of his tag-line and photoshop work. Finding the original poster of any of these is nearly impossible because they were so highly circulated by email forwarding baby-boomers.

Most would enjoy watching Tiger smack the smirk off this next artist's face with a with a hard 6-iron.

-- Don't know if this one qualifies as an endorsement deal post, but we will include it anyway. This artist certainly just heard the oversized head, stiff shafted wood joke for the first time and found it so funny he just couldn't resist himself.

-- The Lays endorsement post is certainly the most clever one that we came across, but the conspicuousness of the idea outweighs the urge to chuckle, so do your best to resist.

Friday, February 19, 2010

The Green Blazer's morning with Tiger

10:40 am EST -- The Green Blazer awakes after a 12 hour online poker session that lasted until 5:00am ... Another all-too-familiar final table bubble that pays so much less than the effort is worth.

10:45 am -- The robust Italian espresso pours out of GB's DeLongHi machine into a stainless steal cup. Espresso is GB's newest vice -- much different from Tiger's vice that he is about to apologize for.

10:50 am -- GB turns on The Golf Channel to catch the last 10 minutes of their Tiger Woods speech pregame. I still chuckle at the idea of a speech pregame. The Golf Channel reports that the Golf Writers Association are boycotting the speech. I think that many of them will now look back at that decision with regret.

11:00 am -- I switch channels to NBC because I wasn't 100 percent certain The Golf Channel would actually have the speech live, and I didn't want to miss a single word. I should have known better.

11:02 am -- Tiger emerges from backstage and the NBC commentator is cutoff mid-sentence by another broadcaster.

11:03 am -- Tiger starts to speak quite robotically from the sheet of paper in front of him. He seems more nervous and awkward than I ever remember seeing him. The first thing I notice is his receding hairline. It was always there, but it probably dropped back a full inch in the last few months.

11:07 am -- Something goes wrong with the feed and the screen goes dark for a moment. The audio stays intact. When the visual returns, it is from a side profile and will remain that way for the rest of the speech.

11:09 am -- Tiger does the first thing that I didn't expect and he admits that he thought the normal rules didn't apply to him. "I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn't have to go far to find them." I thought this was the best part of the speech.

11:11 am -- Tiger asked the media to "please leave my wife and kids alone." He is wasting his breath.

11:12 am -- I'm surprised to hear Tiger talk about his religion. I never knew he was a Buddhist.

11:15 am -- Tiger's speech ends and he walks down from the podium to hug his mother. I still wonder if the rumors of his father's infidelity are true. We will likely never know for sure, but my intuition says yes.

11:16 am -- Tiger then moves towards his wife Elin's family. He hugs her mother. I still think the family is somewhat enamored by his presence. This will likely never go away. He does a sort of handshake/hug to two younger guys who I assume are Elin's brothers. They do not seem angry at him.

11:17 am -- I switch back to The Golf Channel as I like listening to Brandel Chamblee better than any other non-golf commentators.

11:18 am -- Charlie Rymer begins to talk and you can see the tears building in his eyes. His bottom lip starts to quiver and he can't seem to hold the tears in. I laugh out loud at the idea of Rymer crying after Tiger's speech. Rymer says that when he sees someone showing that much emotion it makes him emotional. I did not see the emotion in Tiger that Rymer speaks of until Tiger hugged his mother after the speech.

Brandel Chamblee takes Tiger's back on the highly scrutinized speech timing. He says that he was watching Paul Casey and Sergio Garcia criticizing Tiger on CNN and notes that Accenture's logo was plastered behind them -- an advertisement they wouldn't have gotten had Tiger not chose this time. Chamblee also notes that Tiger's speech was scheduled hours before the Match Play broadcast, and had Tiger really been trying to stick it to his former sponsor Accenture, he'd of held the speech during the coverage.

11:30 am -- Rymer's emotional response leads to The Green Blazer's first ever Twitter post.

*I don't know if either of these people were the pioneers, but I'd like to credit both Dan Peterson (ESPN) and Bob Smiley (Author of 'Follow the Roar') with the formatting idea of this post.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Taylormade's 'Find your lame' Project Burner promotion

Is the barrel full of old golf clubs in your garage in need of some more worthless crap? If so, Taylormade's new promotion will leave you and 19,999 others finding your 6 iron game by registering at Taylormade.

With so many golfers in need of new 6 irons, Taylormade is filling that void with their latest promotion -- Project Burner.

From Taylormade's fancy, difficult to navigate webpage:
"Project Burner is on a mission to replace obsolete irons. Over 133,000 golfers have switched to Burner making it the No. 1 selling iron ... Now it's your turn."

That's right ... Instead of just giving away 2,500 boring full sets, Taylormade is giving 20,000 people a chance to stick one oddball club in the bag. Make sure you head over to Taylormade and register soon or your chance to win some of Taylormade's purposeless scraps will be gone.

Since the 6 iron pictured here will serve no golfing purposes for you, try chopping it down and giving it to your local junior golf program or use it as a effective, convenient bludgeoning device.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Men around the globe lose respect for Fred Couples

Crowd favorite Fred Couples gave the Champions Tour a bump along with the world's biggest badass Tom Watson when the two had a memorable Sunday duel that put anything that the Bob Hope Classic could offer to shame.

Unfortunately for Freddie, he was deserving of a hard bitch slap when asked a what his favorite James Cameron movie was. As G-Blaze sat enjoying the coverage with billy in hand, the thought, "No Freddie ... please don't say it" came when the lackey posed the question. Freddie's answer: "Well I haven't seen Avatar, so I'd have to go with Titanic." Ouch ... He could have went with Terminator, T2, Rambo 2, Aliens, True Lies, but no ... He'd rather watch Leo leave his heart on the screen while tens of weeping women look on in amazement.

Hopefully Freddie can redeem his manhood again soon ... A few 340 drives at 50 years-old should do it.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Coursetrends trending towards hackiness

CourseTrends, a company that designs websites for golf courses all over the U.S., bills itself as, "The #1 provider of golf marketing solutions." They'll design a course's website, setup a a email marketing program, and claim that by using their sophisticated marketing system your course will generate a 400% return on investment.

It's amazing that so many courses will actually pay the ridiculous prices they charge for facilitating a website and auto-sending a couple emails a month. Upon trying to help our club settle on a new website solution, G-Blaze took a look at a typical website that's "Powered by Coursetrends." After one glance, I can tell you with utmost certainty that these are not real golfers behind this company. For proof, look no further than Exhibit A:


This is a stock picture provided by CourseTrends for courses to use on their website. Nothing says golf like a hack waring a pair of $25 golf shoes placing hard, shiny white ball a top his step tee while waring a black baseball glove. If you're a golf course owner looking to "power" your website using Coursetrends, let G-Blaze be the first to suggest you don't get fooled.

Instead, go with a local brovider (a brovider is a bro that provides a skill set on the cheap as an alternative to a more expensive corporate provider). Coursetrends -- The #1 provider of Golf Marketing solutions from people who couldn't break 90 if someone was holding their families hostage demanding they do so ...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Daly, Wilson find groovy loophole

Dean Wilson digs through the barrel in his garage looking to bang the dust off his old Ping Eye 2 wedges. These wedges have box shaped grooves, the type of grooves that are illegal on the PGA Tour starting in 2010. But, While playing the Sony Open this week in Hawaii (pronounced Ha-wa-eeeeeeee), Wilson and John Daly are relying on a precedent set in the 80s where a court settlement said any Ping-Eye 2 made before April 1, 1990, remains approved under the Rules of Golf.

"That settlement still takes precedence over the new regulation," Dick Rugge, the USGA’s senior technical director, told The Associated Press.

Daly stopped by Ping headquarters in Phoenix, AZ on his way to Hawaii and surprised company officials by the number of old wedges he had found. He says he has eight or nine sets.

Even so, he asked Ping for a set of V-shaped grooves that he might use at Torrey Pines later this month.

"A golf course like San Diego, you want V grooves in your wedges because the greens are so soft,” he said. “Here, you want square grooves. I’ll probably go through the year switching a lot."

Wilson said he hasn’t tried to compare the spin rate on the Ping wedges with new clubs.

“I’m not so much concerned with the grooves as I am the design of the wedge,” Wilson said. “If it does create more spin, great. But I can’t tell you it honestly does.”

Daly said he first tried his old wedges when he played in Australia last month.


Friday, January 15, 2010

Tiger to smooth things over with Haiti relief

Billionaire golf mega-don Tiger Woods has not been seen or heard from since the night he redefined "Black Friday," but in a recent development the Tiger Woods Foundation will smooth over Tiger's infidelity with Haiti relief effort. The Foundation hasn't given an official figure yet, but if Russel Simmons' blow-up is on target, $3 million is the number.

Although this seems like a blatant yet benevolent attempt to gain pub-relations points, this isn't the first time Tiger's Foundation has helped relief efforts. Woods’ foundation gave $100,000 to tsunami relief efforts in 2004. It also gave the Baton Rouge Area Foundation $200,000 in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

Federer Takes Woods' back

No. 1 tennis player says No. 1 golfer will be back at his best

Roger Federer recently received the No. 1 seed for tennis' first major, The Austrailian Open, and in a recent interview the world's best tennis player showed support for the world's best golfer.
Federer says he’s spoken to his friend Tiger Woods by phone and predicts he will be back soon “as the wonderful golfer we know.”

The tennis star said in an interview published Friday that Woods’ car accident in November and subsequent reports about his private life have been hard on the golfer and his family.
Federer told French sports daily L’Equipe that he expressed his support, and said Woods’ troubles were “instructive.”

“The tabloids are going crazy, sponsor contracts are falling apart. … I’ve always been aware that the image you patiently construct for an entire career can be ruined in a minute,” Federer said. “It scares you a bit, but that’s the way things are.”

Woods has not played since winning the Australian Masters on Nov. 15. Two weeks later, Woods world fell apart following a car crash that legitimized infidelity rumors.
Woods hasn’t been seen in public since the accident, and other friends have said they have unsuccessfully tried to reach him.

Federer did not say whether or not he is as dirty of a dog as Woods.