Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Did The King sell out to sweetness?

Arizona responsible for Arnold Palmer's ruin

Bartender: What can I get you Arnie?

Arnold Palmer: "Iced tea ... But why don't you sweeten it up a bit with some lemonade this time. Just go ahead and make it 50-50, lemonade and iced tea."

Bar patron: "Hmmm ... That's sounds refreshing. I'll have what Arnie is having."

Bartender: "So two ... umm ... Arnold Palmers coming right up."

The scenario above outlines an account of how the Arnold Palmer drink was created. You take an unsweetened drink, combine it with something sweet (in this case lemonade) and you come out with a tasty yet still thirst quenching drink.

Those days are long gone.

When most people think of an Arnold Palmer now, they picture a plastic bottle -- the upper half resembling a golf ball and the lower half containing Arnie's ugly mug. That product is different entirely. It's two sweet drinks combined, the end product having little to do with the original drink idea of sweetening a sugarless drink.

With the nation buzzed on high fructose corn syrup, Arizona wasn't about to keep the drink under the parameter in which it was created. What they did instead is the drink equivalent of deep frying a piece of celery in chocolate sauce before spreading it with peanut butter.

Arizona simply took their own high fructose tea recipe and combined it with their high fructose lemonade recipe destroying the hydration benefits by weighing the entire drink down with sugar.

So was Arnie involved in Arizona's discussion of how the drink with be created? Was he told that they would need to compromise his ingenuity to appeal to the boneheaded masses? Few know for sure, but if the question was posed to Arnie, he would probably say ... "What the hell is this idiot talking about."

Friday, June 4, 2010

Heavy Putter stingy with butt plugs

Attempting to turn a Cameron into a Heavy Putter
Heavy Putter made a name for itself in the golf equipment industry by doing something that no other company has done before -- making putters with very high head weights and counteracting the head weight with a heavy metal butt plug.

Experienced butt plug users know that the plug better fit just right or it could get messy.

Recently a member of the Green Blazer Corps, Rob Digital, decided he no longer liked his Scotty Cameron Kombi long putter, so he chopped it down to 33 inches and started using it as a regular putter. But, there was a problem: the head weight was so high (500 grams) that he felt like he was swinging a noodle with a meat ball at the end of it. Enter the butt plug.

Heavy Putter inserts a 250 gram butt plug into all of their putters to increase the putter's total weight and move the balance point up. Upon doing some research, Rob Digital decided to see if any company besides Heavy Putter was making butt plugs. He found numerous butt plugs online, some double bubble, some triple ripple and some inflatable vibrating, but the closest thing he could find that would work is a GolfSmith universal butt plug.

After even more research, he found that even if the universal butt plug was filled with tungsten, it would weigh just 70 grams, 180 grams less than Heavy Putter's butt plug. Hmmm ... What does a person do when they can't seem to find a butt plug that fits their needs?

Rob called Heavy Putter and told then he ordered a Heavy Putter head on Ebay, and would like to purchase one of their custom butt plugs. Heavy Putter quickly replied that although they would fix one of their putters that had a broken shaft, they do not sell their butt plugs to anybody, even if a vendor tries to order one.

So Rob decided to take matters into his own hands. After digging around his garage, he found a rusty solid steel rod that looked like it would fit in his butt. He weighed the rod and found that it conveniently weighed exactly 250 grams. He jammed the steel rod in his butt as far as it would without doing damage; he said it felt great when the rod made it all the way in. Rob threw on a new grip on and he now has his very own Scotty Cameron Heavy Putter knock-off.

The moral of the story: Finding the right butt plug for you can be a difficult task, but if you open your mind and think outside the box, you may find the perfect butt plug in a place you wouldn't expect.