The 2008 season on the PGA Tour is now over. Given he has the motivation, Phil Mickelson will most certainly resume his rigorous training regime that started in the off-season 2007. Mickelson's body went through quite the transformation since the days when his man boobs rivaled that of bitch tits from Fight Club, but just because the 2008 Phil Mickelson has more defined muscles than the Phil we are used to, doesn't mean he should drop a shirt size ... Or does it? After all, he's only adhering to the standard rule among frat boys: The bigger your guns get, the smaller the shirt should be.
HIDING THE FLAB:Here Mickelson's shirt hits him on the forearm, concealing his flabby biceps.
NO MORE BREASTS:Here Phil dropped at least a shirt size after losing some of the flab. Now he strategically has the the arms of the shirt hitting him mid-bicep like the rest of the bros on tour.
Guns are also the subject of our latest product review ...
The Blazer has got a piece of advice to anyone in the market for a rangefinder (who isn't a complete hack): Get Your Gunz!
SKYCADDIE FEATURES: +/- 15 yards - Although they say +/- 1 yard, two people with the same device standing on the same spot, often get completely different yardages.
Precision not necessary - Who wants distance to the pin, when you can have it to the center of the green?
The gift that keeps on giving you bills - Not only do you have to pay to upload new courses (assuming they have the course you want), you have to pay a yearly subscription fee also.
Overwhelming least favorite among tour caddies and top amateurs - Rangefinders are now allowed in almost every tournament outside of a major tour. Most professionals use rangefinders outside of competition, and every caddy carries one during practice rounds. With that said, you will never see a tour caddy or top amateur using a SkyCaddie.
The Bushnell Pinseeker 1500 Tournament Edition is the most widely used. It retails for $400. Don't buy the slope edition; it's illegal for tournament play and kind of stupid. A good alternative is the Bushnell Medalist. It's smaller and lighter and retails for $300. The only real difference between the Medalist and the 1500 is the magnification is less on the medalist, but they work pretty much the same.
THERE'S YOUR BAD BOYS: A product from Bushnell is your best bet.
Nikon/Callaway are also good, but no need to buy a Callaway product when you don't have to. It's probably best to stay away from LaserLink. Most models only work if the flagstick has a reflector. Not only that, but you will look and feel gay when shooting your yardage.
LIMP WRISTED:Yes he does feel gay shooting yardage with a Laserlink.
Note: If you're a bro with little cash reserves, losing your gun can be devastating. You should help to reduce the risk by putting a label on it with your name and phone number. You might also want to put a brightly colored sticker on it so it stands out in the shadows of the golf car's front compartments. The chance of losing your rangefinder goes up dramatically after smoking the greens. Which is why you might want to take some advice from the title of The Blazer's next post ...
While seducing a young filly on the mini golf course, the Blazer stumbled across this sign that gave us good laugh. Due to the rules of the facility, we had to wait until we got back in the blazermobile to smoke on the greens ...
Bush isn't the only president who makes a fool of himself when speaking. Former PGA of America President M.G. Orender embarrassed himself and the PGA when he brutally mispronounced Henrick Stenson's name prior to the afternoon match on Saturday. A former PGA of America President shouldn't have to read a card to identify Henrick Stenson ... especially if he has trouble reading.
OUCH: The PGA of America's former prez stumbles over the extremely difficult to pronounce name "Stenson", pronounced St-en-son.Even the happy-go-lucky announcers couldn't hide M.G. Orender's shame.
G Blaze would like to thank Green Blazer Corps member Jake for sending us this pic that gave birth to a new segment: You know the course is a dump when ...
There is a permanently installed mat in the drop area.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: Other good indicators are the spray painted cart path and the dropper's athletic shorts.
Andrew Giuliani was lucky enough to be paired with Tiger Woods at the 2001 Buick Classic Pro Am. He was also lucky enough to get a spot on Duke's golf team. Now it is time for him to quit being a little b*tch and hang up the spikes already.
This week Duke University attorneys (who--between the infamous Duke LaCrosse Case, the female football player lawsuit (yes, Duke football is so bad even girls can make the team) and now this--must be the most overworked college attorney team in the nation) moved to see claims dismissed in the Giuliani case, saying the spoiled little bastard is a total douchebag and deserved to be kicked off the golf team.
“Andrew Giuliani is entitled to no more privileges than any other member of the Duke University student body,” the Sept. 10 filing says. "Put simply, Giuliani had no right to play varsity golf; he had an opportunity for the privilege to be part of a team, one ... that he squandered through his own conduct.''
That conduct included "throwing an apple in the face of another player, breaking a golf club during a tournament, injuring a teammate and becoming verbally abusive with a coach," according to The Associated Press.
Perhaps Jim Rome put it best when he said "Nothing says 'gentlemen's sport' like chucking an apple at another guy's face ... I mean the guy did everything except say 'Do you know who I am?'"
And we know exactly who he is, the son of a former New York City mayor and presidential candidate. But the credential that sheds the most light on why little Andrew would think to file a lawsuit in the first place is what his father was before any of that: A lawyer. Go figure.
Hopefully the case is thrown out and we'll finally hear the last of Andrew Giuliani's golfing career.
BWAAAH HA HA:Rudy Giuliani, long estranged from his son Andrew, probably thinks Andrew is a little bitch as well.
Speak of the Week - The next time one of your playing partners finds himself in a similar situation to the one below, tell him that's a nice dog pisser lie he's got there.
CLASSIC DOG PISSER LIE
WHY AREN'T DOGS ALLOWED IN THE WHITE HOUSE? BECAUSE THEY MIGHT PISS ON THE BUSH.*
ALSO, BECAUSE THEY MIGHT GET DROPPED ON THEIR BACKS AS CHILDREN WATCH IN HORROR.
The Green Blazer wants to deliver a strong message to any hack who still uses the following phrases:
"Nice Putt Alice" "Did it get caught in your skirt?" "Does your husband play golf too?" "You hit it with your purse"
These phrases are no longer funny. They're more played out than Top Flight XLs at a corporate outing. However, there is one situation where it is still acceptable to use "Nice putt Alice," yet only a select few are lucky enough to golf with Alice Cooper.
NICE PUTT ALICE: Alice Cooper'slong putter may get caught in hisskirt.
thanks for the pic Getty
ALSO PLAYED OUT: Alice in Wonderland sleeve tattoos are a favorite among psilocybin indulging brosephs.
In the October edition of Golf Magazine, Dr. Joe Parent says that happiness on the course is the key to lower golf scores -- much lower.
We are hoping that Parent's article provides some evidence of what a certain population of weed smoking golf caddies and other brahs have been convinced of for years: their golf game shows flashes of brilliance after blazing a bowl of the bubonic chronic. It's safe to assume Joe Parent's parents didn't raise him to be a marijuana advocate, but his happiness study begs the question ... is it possible marijuana enhances performance on the golf course?
Cannabis is currently listed on the PGA's banned substance list, so either the PGA thinks performance enhancement is possible, or they are big supporters of the war on drugs and are helping the pointless and expensive struggle of trying to eliminate the evil plant off the face of the Earth. Either way, you can bet some touring professionals were disappointed (maybe devastated) when they found out rippin' an after round billy of the sticky icky isn't an option. Johnny Miller even jokingly hinted that players were more likely to test positive for THC than steroids.
Even if weed doesn't directly enhance your golf game, golfing while blazed can teach us all a valuable lesson: Your mood might be more important than your coordination. As one brah so eloquently put it, "After I rip it, I'm just in a perfect place out there." Until next time ... Find your perfect place and keep the greens ablaze.
CANNONBALL!:Despite what Joe Parent says about happiness on the course, most will agree that a blunt the size of Carl Spackler's will not help your game. And neither will cannonballing your hits with booze.
This year will mark the first year since 1989 that the Ryder Cup will be played without Colin Montgomerie. Monty and his lofty fade have produced a 20-9-7 lifetime Ryder Cup record, which is impressive to all (except, of course, non-Euro-American golfers, who could give a shit less).
After the captain's picks were released, a reported "war of words" erupted between Ian Poulter and Colin in a west London restaurant. Both the golfers' managers deny the claim, saying it was completely made up.
"O" SO DIFFERENT:Monty's O-face is not one of pleasure, but ratherdisgust after failing to receive a captain's pick for this year's Ryder Cup. _____________________
As promised, The Green Blazer is back this Sunday with another blazin' hot edition of
Speak of the Week:
Theson-in-law shot: Not what you pictured, but you'll take it.
The next time you hit a shot that didn't come off the way you planned but ended up pretty good, bust out the above line. This one works especially well if you are an middle aged man with a recently married daughter like Jack (Robert De Niro), pictured below. And it's even funnier if your new son-in-law's name is Gaylord Focker.
____________________
Although they look strikingly similar, the face on the left is a professional golfer. The right, a Hollywood movie star. Green Blazer Golf is asking readers to
Name that mug
Submit your guesses by commenting to this post. The first correct guess will receive a free subscription to the upcoming Green Blazer Golf Comic Book/Variety Magazine.* But make sure to get those picks in today, faithful readers, because the contest ends next week with the release of the full faces in the weekly Smorgasbord.
*subscription does not necessarily mean 12 issues
And finally, with all this recent talk of drilling in ANWR, remember to make your voices heard in this election season. Help protect the pristine landscape of the American wildlife refuge from pumpjacks, oil rigs and diesels. Work to spare those open fields, dense patches of trees, challenging slopes with slight dog legs and large patches of fescue. After all, that area would be perfect for a couple of sweet golf courses!
Mike Weir may have gotten rid of his beard for this week's Deutsche Bank Championship, but the Bryants will be damned if they're getting rid of their mustaches ... Ever.
DICKSWEEPERS FOR LIFE:Officers Bart (left) and Brad Bryant represent a very small group of mustache wearing professional golfers. And no one rocks the stash quite like a Bryant.
CAUGHT IN THE ACT:JB Holmes' wife breaks spectator-cell phone policy, but dutifully follows JB's junk-in-the-trunk-required policy.
Moving on, the Green Blazer was amazed recently to hear the new Star Wars movie was doing poorly in theaters. But not quite as amazed as he was to hear a new Star Wars movie was in theaters. In a move that critics say will surely boost sales, the Green Blazer has hereby released the much-anticipated
Celebrity Golf Lookalike 8
Speak of the Week was created by The Green Blazer as a way of giving something back to the fans. The gift was to help our worldwide base of English-speaking readers increase their swagger on the golf course by using golf speak that only the most experienced country club Romeo knows.
In the very first Speak of the Week segment, the Blazer told to us to forgo saying fade and say cut, or cutter, instead. Well, apparently The Blazer's got a thing or two to learn about golf swagger. Tiger Woods, after reading The Blazer's Speak of the Week segment, recently decided to one-up the Blazer and give back as only Tiger can. With the help of EA Sports, he out zinged us to the point we're bleeding ...
While he was definitely gunning for birdies during an opening round 62 at the Barclays this week, Hunter Mahan wasn't the only hunter playing golf on Thursday. Englishman Nick Dougherty got a favorable kick off a seagull off the ninth fairway at the KLM Open in Holland. The injured bird started to fly away but eventually fell from the sky.
EPGA Tour officials were then forced to club the spasming gull to death with a nine iron they borrowed from Justin Rose in order to put the poor creature out of its misery.
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Thursday review (now on Sundays) The Odyssey Marxman X-Act -- Step aside Ping Chippo Due to the overwhelming number of chops using generic chippers, Odyssey decided it was time to release a chipper for the duffers that like to hack it up using brand name equipment. Brilliantly designed and crafted from the finest materials, the Odyssey Marxman X-Act puts all other chippers to shame. Golfers everywhere have eagerly waited for the club's release, reserving it at their local proshop months in advance.
Odyssey (Callaway) is now employing the scarcity principle--limiting to the supply to keep the demand consistent in a move reminiscent of Nintendo's strategy with the Wii. Rumors are circulating that Odyssey will soon be releasing a tour version that is 3 degrees stronger and 1 degree open. Let's take a look at some of the features.
The ball on ball technology used in the face insert keeps the ball on the club face a fraction of a second longer, measurably increasing the chances of a double hit, but looking "white hot" cool.
Extra wide lines on top help you to obtain an extra wide focus.
A bullseye on face, the international symbol for "aim here!" Great for the golfer who also enjoys a game of darts.
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While "Bullseye" might soon become the new hack slang for a well hit shot with the X-Act, it isn't mainstream golf slang just yet. This is ...
Speak of the Week
Beach Party anyone? Next time you hit it in the same bunker as someone else in your group say, "It looks like we're about to have a beach party everybody." From there there's a million cheesy directions you can go, from "Did you bring your sandals?" to "hopefully there's some sexy sunbathers there too."
NOT A GOOD THING:Beach parties in golf are not always fun. Beach parties in life are usually fun until you pass-out and your friends bury you in sand. Take a look at this bro in South Padre Island, Texas. ABC News photo.
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Last week the Blazer promised our followers the debut of a new advice column based on the new wave of inquisitive fan mail that's been pouring into Blazer HQ. Many of you may have thought the Blazer was bullshitting, as it can sometimes be hard to tell. This week, for instance, the line about PGA Tour officials clubbing the seagull to death with a nine iron was pure bullshit.
But the Green Blazer wasn't bullshitting last week when he said he was debuting a Dear Blazer column this week, just like he hasn't been bullshitting about the upcoming Green Blazer comic book/variety magazine, new and improved Web site, tee shirt line, cartoon, concept album, and video game. A movie and action figures will most likely follow.
So here it is ... Dear Blazer,
I play at the same course every day and there is this cart girl who is extremely hot. I totally want to hook it up with her, but just can't seem to get anything going. Any suggestions?
Thanks
Missing the Sweet Spot, Atlanta, Ga.
Hello Missing; thanks for reading. You've definitely come to the right place. If you actually follow the Blazer's advice, it will work--so read carefully:
Cart girls are used to getting pimped by every dirty old man and drunk outing hack on the golf course. They are also used to seeing possible suiters, like you, that don't understand how to create attraction (or are too big of pussies to try). How do you catch her attention? By distinguishing yourself from the flock.
While the direct approach (yoyo baby, you fine, let me holla at ya) may work in certain situations, this situation (like bartenders, exotic dancers, or other occupations where being hit on is part of the culture,) requires an indirect approach. This is especially true if this is a course you frequent because you've got all the time you need. By using a series of playful jabs and cocky one-liners you can create attraction quickly. You need to convey a message that says, "Hey, I'm no stranger to hot chicks. If you want to impress me, you're going to have to show me something more than a nice wax job on your spray-tanned thighs." Get her to take interest in you, and it will get much easier.
For example, the other day the Green Blazer was approaching a cart path convergence area at the same time as the hottest cart girl at the club. Now, faced with this situation, ninety percent of the other chumps on the course would have stopped their cart and politely let waved her through, saying something like "Oh you go ahead," or "excuse me." Many chumps wouldn't even say anything at all in lue of a timid smile and wave. In this case the cart girl would then proceed, many times without so much as an acknowledgment of this chump's presence. The Blazer, instead, said with a sly smile and an air of sarcasm, "Hey now, you wait your turn," and went in front of her like someone of high stature and importance might do without thinking twice. While women, especially of the hot variety, all seem to claim they want someone who's "nice," they will all pass over someone who's nice for someone who's important.
Good luck loyal Blazer reader. Keep us informed of your progress.
NO CHANCE: Don't be like this guy. Having your buddy take a picture of you next to the cart girl will flatter her, but certainly won't build attraction
We'd like to start it off this week by showing 'nuff respect to Wen-Tang Lin. We know he's gon' keep it real in his defense this week at the Brunei Open. Feel free to join in if you know this one.
Wen be tossin' and bossin', his style is awesome. He's causing more family feud than Richard Dawson. Brunei Open, oh no, here come, the Wen-Tang Shogun, killer to your eardrum. Defending his title, out on the Asian Tour, golfers was like, "Oh my god, not you!"
"So if you want beef then brang your clubs bitch, Wen-Tang Lin ain't nothing to fuck with"
Wen-Tang Lin Chops is dead boy It ain't safe no more ... Peace
Albeit he's not quite up to "Tiger Style." When the music sector of the corps finally gets the Green Blazer concept album--the adventure-themed music to the upcoming green blazer cartoon and video game--off the ground, the "Wen-Tang Lin ain't nuttin' to fuck wit'" spoof will most likely be one of the bonus tracks, yo. Actually, nevermind, we hereby donate that idea to golf rappers "The Golf Ballerz." Click on the link The Golf Ballerz to check them out. And click here to hear the original 1993 headbanger "Wu Tang Clan ain't nuttin' to fuck wit'" on rhapsody.
Moving on, like an old Wu Tang Clan and George Clinton collaboration we've decided to follow up Wen-Tang Lin with a little funk fo dat ass ...
RIP to the ODB. Fred gets mo funky than yo grand father's feet in this week's Captures and Captions
A Funky Tradition
SMELL THE FUNK:Fred Funk reveals a wardrobe malfunction in the armpit region of his Mutual of Omaha-branded shirt as he trudges his way to victory at The Tradition, The Champions Tour's final major.
Send your screen captures and cutlines to the Green Blazer via The Green Blazer's blazin' myspace page ... Speaking of which, we've always received a great deal of fan mail here at Blazer HQ (the Blazer's big in Europe), but lately we've been receiving some unusual questions in addition to the regular line of fan interrogation: (who is the Green Blazer, did the Blazer really sneak off the base to play golf in Honolulu on that Sunday morning in 1941, did the Green Blazer really cause Moe Norman go to temporarily insane at Augusta in '57, etcetera.) This week someone actually asked "How do I know if I'm a hack?" So the Blazer came up with this next column, which may be making its way into the regular rotation, in response to that question. Stay tuned next week where we'll examine some of the other bizarre questions we've been receiving in another new segment: Dear Blazer You know you're a hack when ...
you ask random people how you can fix your slice
you say, "I need to keep my head down." Or you yell, "Shit! Pulled my head up."
you clean your grooves using the broad side of a tee
you carry a ball retriever
you mark your ball regularly with the snap on mark included with your glove
you say your 7 iron is the best club in your bag
you play a Maxfli Noodle
you take 3 or 4 practice swings next to the ball returning the club back to the address position and hit the shot without ever looking at the target. See Below:
HACKTICE SWING:Here John gives us a perfect example of a hack's preshot routine. We found this by typing "practice swing" into a youtube search.
But don't slice this the wrong way, the Blazer's inclusion of this clip doesn't mean that youtube's not still one of the Blazer's arch adversaries (see Green Blazer August 2 post). Regardless, all this talk of hacks and adversaries provides a smooth transition into the Green Blazer's final piece, about an adversary that's also a hack.
Numbers don't fly with John Hawkins
In a recent Golf World article ("Is Phil Ready to Fly, Butch says yes," August 8) so-called "Angry Golfer" John Hawkins rips Delz Pelz, golf's foremost statistician, blaming his evil numbers for ruining Phil Mickelson's feel.
In classic (-ly lame) angry golfer style Hawkins gives it to you straight from the horse's ass' mouth while taking the necessary steps not to damage his relationship with Pelz beyond repair by using the ol' "bury the lede" technique (Leaving the Pelz name out of the title and not bringing him up until halfway through the column; also making sure to say "It's not Pelz's fault").
In one of The Blazer's favorite lines, Hawkins, a general-assignment-news-jockey-turned-golf commentator, says, "Mickelson has an ultra-inquisitive nature and a fondness for the percentages, a decidedly left-brain trait that conflicts with a gifted performer's right-brain instincts."
Whoaaa Hawkins, whasup bro?... When did you become an expert on brain lateralization psychology? A better question is, when did John Hawkins become an expert on golf? The answer is a resounding "never."
JUST AS RELEVANT:John Hodgman would make a more amusing angry golfer than John Hawkins.
Let's take a look at a short bio of John Hawkins, copied from his 19th hole page on the Golf Channel:
John Hawkins is a 12-year veteran at Golf World Magazine, having won numerous awards from the Golf Writers Association of America for his PGA TOUR coverage. Prior to Golf World, he spent eight years as a general assignment writer and columnist for the Washington Times.
Now let's see how it matches up to Dave Pelz's short bio:
Dave Pelz spent 14 years as a National Aeronautics and Space Administration research scientist. In 1975, he left NASA to begin a full-time career in golf research and development. He holds numerous patents on golf equipment and has compiled the most extensive body of research on putting and the wedge game in the world. Pelz has taught more than 60 PGA of America Education Seminars to club professionals around the United States. As founder of the Dave Pelz Short Game Schools, he is consistently ranked among the foremost teachers in the world. His schools, in Boca Raton, FL, Greensboro, GA, Glen Arbor, MI and Edwards, CO, are attended by international tour and teaching professionals, as well as amateurs of all levels. Pelz serves as short game coach to many of the most accomplished players on the PGA Tour, LPGA Tour and European Tours.
NAMESAKE WORTHY OF APOLOGY:Andrew Hawkins, a descendant of Admiral Sir John Hawkins (pictured above), recently apologized publicly for his ancestor's actions in the slave trade. Does the John Hawkins of today also have some apologizing to do?
When the bios are juxtaposed, is becomes evident what Hawkins really is: a two-bit pencil pusher with no real credibility on the issue, save a few writing awards--contrived competitions invented for writers by writers as a way of stroking each other off a few times per year in a more formal setting--for some golf coverage, and a little over a decade in the business. Big deal. While Hawkins was chasing congressmen around in Washington and covering K9 costume contests on Halloween, Dave Pelz was gathering golf stats no one ever considered before while helping the likes of Tom Kite, Steve Elkington, Curtis Strange, Colin Montgomerie, Payne Stewart, Peter Jacobsen and Vijay Singh (The list goes on). We know John Hawkins doesn't like stats, but there is a few that we'd like to bring to attention.
The number of tour players who have accepted advice from John Hawkins: 0 The number of golf tournaments that Hawkins has won (outside of his local charity scrambles): 0 The number of people to perfectly describe what Hawkins' golf writing awards amount to? 1 (that the Blazer knows of)
That coming from Author, former New York Times and Washington Post writer and "Award Winning journalist" Chuck Klosterman: "... winning awards in journalism is like winning awards at the Special Olympics; everyone is a winner. Every single person I have ever worked with could technically be classified as an 'award winning journalist,' because everyone who enters journalism contests eventually wins something."
One thing the angry golfer won't be winning any time soon is the attention of the pros.
This week the Blazer Corps sets it off with a few captures and captions from The PGA Championship. (Or simply, The Championship, as we think it should be called.)
Chuckie Wi Sticks
STINK EYE: Charles Wi, (or Chuckie Wi Sticks as we like to call him), reveals his bitterness over his lackluster performance on Sunday by scowling at Padrick Harrington from the 72nd hole tee box.
It's the Elk, the bro and the side logo yo
VETERANS WHO DRESS LIKE YOUNG GUNS CAN KISS BUBBA'S ASS: At 46, Steve "The Elk" Elkington is your token veteran on tour. But he doesn't really dress the part, exemplified here with this side logo cap, more commonly seen on bros (see below).
Signature snarl
LONG IN THE TOOTH, LITERALLY: Padrick Harrington expresses an all-too-familiar bucktooth snarl during his winning performance at The Championship.
... Anthony Kim didn't have quite as good of a week as he planned, which gives us more incentive to target him for our next zinger: Anthony Kim Gives Himself Nickname
As if the AK belt buckle wasn't enough, Anthony Kim has announced to the world that he would now like to be referred to as Big Slick. This based off his favorite Texas hold em' hand, Ace/King, known commonly as "big slick."
"It's just the perfect nickname for me." said Kim. "I've got the whole AK thing going with my sweet-ass belt buckle, and Ace King is my favorite poker hand, so it's perfect." Kim went on to say that he's also "big off the tee," and "pretty slick too."
Kim hopes the media will have the nickname fully internalized by the end of the 2008 season. Nike, already sensing the marketing potential in the self-applied nickname, plans to debut their Big Slick clothing line early in 2009.
Speak of the Week This week's Speak of the Week should be used only with a certain generation, (if you're reading this blog, or even familiar with the word "blog," you are probably on the level). Instead of saying "he/she plays a big hook," try out "he plays a big Bowser." For those who aren't on the level, Bowser is a character from Mario Golf who plays a giant hook. He's also plays a giant snarl, not unlike Padrick Harrington.
Great balls of fire! Whether he's bringing zingers to the golf media world with his raw-blog style, or hitting pin shots barefoot from bunkers made of hot coals, The Green Blazer will always come correct with nothing but that bomb ish. Green Blazer Golf ... You no longer have to hit the greens to experience golf euphoria.
Twitter, I hardly even know her!
Cash for clubbers
GOLFER/CELEBRITY LOOK-ALIKES
Rare Glimpse at SuperStroke Prototype
MICHAEL PHELPS COMPUTER SHOWS HIM READING THE GREEN BLAZER WHILE GREEN BLAZING!
The Golf Space - Golf's best social networking site
HIDING THE FLAB: Here Mickelson's shirt hits him on the forearm, concealing his flabby biceps. 
NO MORE BREASTS: Here Phil dropped at least a shirt size after losing some of the flab. Now he strategically has the the arms of the shirt hitting him mid-bicep like the rest of the bros on tour.
The Blazer has got a piece of advice to anyone in the market for a rangefinder (who isn't a complete hack): Get Your Gunz!
NICE PUTT ALICE: Alice Cooper's long putter may get caught in his skirt.
ALSO PLAYED OUT: Alice in Wonderland sleeve tattoos are a favorite among psilocybin indulging brosephs.
Odyssey (Callaway) is now employing the scarcity principle--limiting to the supply to keep the demand consistent in a move reminiscent of Nintendo's strategy with the Wii. Rumors are circulating that Odyssey will soon be releasing a tour version that is 3 degrees stronger and 1 degree open. Let's take a look at some of the features.
