Sunday, August 24, 2008

Sunday smorgasbord

Dougherty is dropping birdies

While he was definitely gunning for birdies during an opening round 62 at the Barclays this week, Hunter Mahan wasn't the only hunter playing golf on Thursday. Englishman Nick Dougherty got a favorable kick off a seagull off the ninth fairway at the KLM Open in Holland. The injured bird started to fly away but eventually fell from the sky.

EPGA Tour officials were then forced to club the spasming gull to death with a nine iron they borrowed from Justin Rose in order to put the poor creature out of its misery.


Thursday review (now on Sundays)
The Odyssey Marxman X-Act -- Step aside Ping Chippo

Due to the overwhelming number of chops using generic chippers, Odyssey decided it was time to release a chipper for the duffers that like to hack it up using brand name equipment. Brilliantly designed and crafted from the finest materials, the Odyssey Marxman X-Act puts all other chippers to shame. Golfers everywhere have eagerly waited for the club's release, reserving it at their local proshop months in advance.

Odyssey (Callaway) is now employing the scarcity principle--limiting to the supply to keep the demand consistent in a move reminiscent of Nintendo's strategy with the Wii. Rumors are circulating that Odyssey will soon be releasing a tour version that is 3 degrees stronger and 1 degree open. Let's take a look at some of the features.

The ball on ball technology used in the face insert keeps the ball on the club face a fraction of a second longer, measurably increasing the chances of a double hit, but looking "white hot" cool.

Extra wide lines on top help you to obtain an extra wide focus.

A bullseye on face, the international symbol for "aim here!" Great for the golfer who also enjoys a game of darts.


While "Bullseye" might soon become the new hack slang for a well hit shot with the X-Act, it isn't mainstream golf slang just yet. This is ...

Speak of the Week

Beach Party anyone? Next time you hit it in the same bunker as someone else in your group say, "It looks like we're about to have a beach party everybody." From there there's a million cheesy directions you can go, from "Did you bring your sandals?" to "hopefully there's some sexy sunbathers there too."

NOT A GOOD THING: Beach parties in golf are not always fun. Beach parties in life are usually fun until you pass-out and your friends bury you in sand. Take a look at this bro in South Padre Island, Texas. ABC News photo.


Last week the Blazer promised our followers the debut of a new advice column based on the new wave of inquisitive fan mail that's been pouring into Blazer HQ. Many of you may have thought the Blazer was bullshitting, as it can sometimes be hard to tell. This week, for instance, the line about PGA Tour officials clubbing the seagull to death with a nine iron was pure bullshit.

But the Green Blazer wasn't bullshitting last week when he said he was debuting a Dear Blazer column this week, just like he hasn't been bullshitting about the upcoming Green Blazer comic book/variety magazine, new and improved Web site, tee shirt line, cartoon, concept album, and video game. A movie and action figures will most likely follow.

So here it is ...

Dear Blazer,

I play at the same course every day and there is this cart girl who is extremely hot. I totally want to hook it up with her, but just can't seem to get anything going. Any suggestions?


Missing the Sweet Spot,
Atlanta, Ga.

Hello Missing; thanks for reading. You've definitely come to the right place. If you actually follow the Blazer's advice, it will work--so read carefully:

Cart girls are used to getting pimped by every dirty old man and drunk outing hack on the golf course. They are also used to seeing possible suiters, like you, that don't understand how to create attraction (or are too big of pussies to try). How do you catch her attention? By distinguishing yourself from the flock.

While the direct approach (yoyo baby, you fine, let me holla at ya) may work in certain situations, this situation (like bartenders, exotic dancers, or other occupations where being hit on is part of the culture,) requires an indirect approach. This is especially true if this is a course you frequent because you've got all the time you need. By using a series of playful jabs and cocky one-liners you can create attraction quickly. You need to convey a message that says, "Hey, I'm no stranger to hot chicks. If you want to impress me, you're going to have to show me something more than a nice wax job on your spray-tanned thighs." Get her to take interest in you, and it will get much easier.

For example, the other day the Green Blazer was approaching a cart path convergence area at the same time as the hottest cart girl at the club. Now, faced with this situation, ninety percent of the other chumps on the course would have stopped their cart and politely let waved her through, saying something like "Oh you go ahead," or "excuse me." Many chumps wouldn't even say anything at all in lue of a timid smile and wave. In this case the cart girl would then proceed, many times without so much as an acknowledgment of this chump's presence. The Blazer, instead, said with a sly smile and an air of sarcasm, "Hey now, you wait your turn," and went in front of her like someone of high stature and importance might do without thinking twice. While women, especially of the hot variety, all seem to claim they want someone who's "nice," they will all pass over someone who's nice for someone who's important.

Good luck loyal Blazer reader. Keep us informed of your progress.

NO CHANCE: Don't be like this guy. Having your buddy take a picture of you next to the cart girl will flatter her, but certainly won't build attraction

1 comment:

Blogger said...

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