This one hasn’t blown up yet, but damn well blazin’ should. Bubba Watson will soon be labeled the tour’s new bad boy (dethroning Rory’s bitchass) after saying, "I’ll tell you what... Veterans can kiss my ass." Steve Elkington was evidently moving around during Watson’s routine for two days, and Watson pretty much snaps in the video below. This situation may cause a media frenzy for two reasons:
1) Just a few short days ago, Tiger Woods stirred things up when he said the next person to take a picture (during his swing) will get their fucking neck broken. Watson’s frustration is similar to Tiger’s only it was due to another player’s actions as opposed to that of an idiot camera man. If and when Bubba’s blunder gets the media attention it warrants, it will presumably be compared to Tiger’s flare-up last Sunday.
2) Bubba should have confined his shit-talking to Elkington alone. By telling all veterans they can kiss his ass, he generalized himself to the point where he has no argument to defend. When Bubba kicks it into reputation salvation mode, he will likely apologize for his words about veterans, say he has the utmost respect for what they’ve done for the game, and attempt to defend himself by describing why Steve Elkington is an asshole.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Attn Photogs: Tiger Woods Is Going To Break Your Fucking Neck (Bitch)
Blazer says like the words of God, Woods' quotes need no editing or context
If you watched WGC-CA on television last weekend, then you only caught part of Tiger Woods' latest tirade against the golf paparazzi. Nobody made that big of a deal out of it until today, when the UK's The Independent reported on what happened after the cameras turned away.
Excerpted from today's The Independent:
...Yes, Woods lost his streak. But with it went his temper.
It was on the tee on the par-three ninth when a camera click on his back-swing caused Woods to pull his shot perilously close to the water. His scream of "Jackass!" was heard on the live telecast. Fortunately, the verbal assault which followed was only in earshot of members of the gallery, although that inevitably included children.
As he walked to the 10th tee he turned on the press corps shadowing him. "The next time a fucking photographer shoots a picture [on my backswing]," warned Woods, "I'm going to break his fucking neck."
In some respects, Tiger's tantrum was understandable...
Thanks for that, The Independent. We see you were able to sneak some bracketed context into this news piece along with your opinion. But neither belong there. Like the words of God Almighty himself, Tiger's words need no editing or context. We're thankful that you left the expletives in there (AOL Sports edited it out in their coverage, pussys), but we like the quote better with him simply breaking the necks of photogs who shoot pictures in general, not just those who make the now life-threatening choice to do so in his backswing. Plus it's a little hypocritical to add your slanted detail about the "inevitable inclusion of children" in the gallery that might have heard Tiger drop the F-bomb, and then go on to repeat it for your readers, which also inevitably include children.
So it breaks down like this. "The next time a fucking reporter adds brackets [to a Tiger Woods quote]," warns The Green Blazer, "I'm going to break his fucking neck."
And in some respects, that's understandable.
POST POST MEMO: 10:50 PM - Actually, Tiger's reported scream of the word "jackass" wasn't heard on the live telecast. The Blazer went back and captured video display below. So why did The Independent report that it was? The Blazer, who took detective lessons from DuPont, Holmes, Batman and Shaggy, has a theory: The chinces at The Independent probably read this article, which was posted Monday on MiamiHerald.com, and exaggerated the 'Tiger said jackass' detail to 'Tiger said jackass on live tv.' The Blazer suspects the writer from the Herald, who really brings the zing in his blazin' coverage, actually attended the event and heard Tiger say the word, while the cameras weren't going live. Meanwhile the writer from The Independent, clearly a hack who's butt-hurt about Tiger threatening his ilk, has an agenda "which inevitably included" extra details and exaggerations to make Tiger look bad.
Blazer says like the words of God, Woods' quotes need no editing or context
If you watched WGC-CA on television last weekend, then you only caught part of Tiger Woods' latest tirade against the golf paparazzi. Nobody made that big of a deal out of it until today, when the UK's The Independent reported on what happened after the cameras turned away.
Excerpted from today's The Independent:
...Yes, Woods lost his streak. But with it went his temper.
It was on the tee on the par-three ninth when a camera click on his back-swing caused Woods to pull his shot perilously close to the water. His scream of "Jackass!" was heard on the live telecast. Fortunately, the verbal assault which followed was only in earshot of members of the gallery, although that inevitably included children.
As he walked to the 10th tee he turned on the press corps shadowing him. "The next time a fucking photographer shoots a picture [on my backswing]," warned Woods, "I'm going to break his fucking neck."
In some respects, Tiger's tantrum was understandable...
Thanks for that, The Independent. We see you were able to sneak some bracketed context into this news piece along with your opinion. But neither belong there. Like the words of God Almighty himself, Tiger's words need no editing or context. We're thankful that you left the expletives in there (AOL Sports edited it out in their coverage, pussys), but we like the quote better with him simply breaking the necks of photogs who shoot pictures in general, not just those who make the now life-threatening choice to do so in his backswing. Plus it's a little hypocritical to add your slanted detail about the "inevitable inclusion of children" in the gallery that might have heard Tiger drop the F-bomb, and then go on to repeat it for your readers, which also inevitably include children.
So it breaks down like this. "The next time a fucking reporter adds brackets [to a Tiger Woods quote]," warns The Green Blazer, "I'm going to break his fucking neck."
And in some respects, that's understandable.
POST POST MEMO: 10:50 PM - Actually, Tiger's reported scream of the word "jackass" wasn't heard on the live telecast. The Blazer went back and captured video display below. So why did The Independent report that it was? The Blazer, who took detective lessons from DuPont, Holmes, Batman and Shaggy, has a theory: The chinces at The Independent probably read this article, which was posted Monday on MiamiHerald.com
Monday, March 24, 2008
Movie Monday - "Oh Hell No"
Whether you consider it a streak of 7, 5 or 3, Tiger's streak came to a halt on Sunday errr.. Monday. Considering the streak to be only 3 wins is blazin ridiculous, but that's what Woody Austin called it when trying to diminish the value during an interview after last week's tournament at Bay Hill:
Tiger ran into a some complicatons (other than missed putts) while trying to get number 8, 6 or 4 in a row:
The clip of the week goes to Tiger for his response when jokingly asked if he was interested in doing highlights for the crappy non-HD Golf Channel... I mean come on'... even PBS is in HD these daze:
Tiger ran into a some complicatons (other than missed putts) while trying to get number 8, 6 or 4 in a row:
The clip of the week goes to Tiger for his response when jokingly asked if he was interested in doing highlights for the crappy non-HD Golf Channel... I mean come on'... even PBS is in HD these daze:
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Movie Monday - Justin Rose Rides Bull, Cink Gets Bucked Off
This week at the PODS Championship, Stewart Cink perpetuated his anticlutch reputation by dropping 4 shots in four holes to lose to Sean O' Hair. Cink has blown eight of his last nine 54 hole leads including his loss to Tiger Woods at the Accenture Match Play Championship. This defeat may sting particuallarily bad given that last week Stewy vented to a reporter saying he has not yet, "lived up to his potential" as a professional golfer. Another golfer who is finally starting to live up to his hype, Justin Rose, has been practicing his Happy Gilmore bull ride in front of the mirror for months. The PODS championship was lucky enough to get the debut.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Sexy Slice Sirens nearly seduce Green Blazer out of his Green Blazer
Slice Girls: High Class 'Hook'ers or Girls Next 'Fore!'?
Yesterday Condoleezza Slice, Angelina Bogie and the Slice Girls eagerly told the Green Blazer precisely where they want him to plant his enormous flagstick. The Slice Girls got together over some martinis and one of those waterproof laptops for a little late night blog session in the hot tub of their lair the other night, which one can only assume is located in a penthouse tower of some exotic city. They were most definitely nude and touching each other as they blogged about how much they loved tasting the Green Blazer's fountain of offerings. "To get a taste of The Green Blazer," wrote the Bodacious Angelina Bogie, "here's a pic..." The Green Blazer followed up by blogging on the slice girls' faces, in a blog post entitled "The Slice Girls Have Remarkably Beautiful Faces."
To any of the Slice Girls who may be reading this, make no mistake as you try to make it with the Green Blazer, you slender, sultry, seductive, super-sexy slice sluts. The Green Blazer knows exactly what you're interested in, and he's no amature in this high stakes game of heroes and villains. The Corps has learned much from the timeless tales within the halls of our society of super brethren (basically summed up in the photo below).
So Slice Girls be warned: If you ever want to get it in the hole, don't count on slicing through the Green Blazer's mask anytime soon . . .
Check out The Slice Girls at www.golfuncut.com
Slice Girls: High Class 'Hook'ers or Girls Next 'Fore!'?
Yesterday Condoleezza Slice, Angelina Bogie and the Slice Girls eagerly told the Green Blazer precisely where they want him to plant his enormous flagstick. The Slice Girls got together over some martinis and one of those waterproof laptops for a little late night blog session in the hot tub of their lair the other night, which one can only assume is located in a penthouse tower of some exotic city. They were most definitely nude and touching each other as they blogged about how much they loved tasting the Green Blazer's fountain of offerings. "To get a taste of The Green Blazer," wrote the Bodacious Angelina Bogie, "here's a pic..." The Green Blazer followed up by blogging on the slice girls' faces, in a blog post entitled "The Slice Girls Have Remarkably Beautiful Faces."
To any of the Slice Girls who may be reading this, make no mistake as you try to make it with the Green Blazer, you slender, sultry, seductive, super-sexy slice sluts. The Green Blazer knows exactly what you're interested in, and he's no amature in this high stakes game of heroes and villains. The Corps has learned much from the timeless tales within the halls of our society of super brethren (basically summed up in the photo below).
So Slice Girls be warned: If you ever want to get it in the hole, don't count on slicing through the Green Blazer's mask anytime soon . . .
Check out The Slice Girls at www.golfuncut.com
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Arizona State University is Tits
Arizona State University has a reputation of producing alumni that are striking in the chestle region. Take a moment to observe the images below:
The above live up to the university’s high standard, but haven’t received nearly the acclaim of ASU’s most famous pair of bodacious bombs. Those, off course, belong to Phil Mickelson. Mickelson has held the title of, "most massive man mammaries" since he grabbed it from Craig Perry in the mid nineties. It has even gone so far that some people now refer to man boobs as, “Philly Micks.” Given the legendary reputation of Mickelson’s mambas, it would seem that no one could challenge his reign, but his title is being tested by none other than Jeff Quinney, another product of ASU’s well stacked program. The 2000 US Amateur champ has a newly found jiggle in his step, and it has been doing wonders for his confidence. As we all remember, Mickelson’s jiggle didn’t become evident until a few years after he left Arizona State, so it is safe to assume Quinney is just coming into his prime. Mickelson’s new training program gives Quinney an even better opportunity to make 2008 the year. Congratulations to Arizona State for knowing what it takes to harvest a nice crop of melons.
The above live up to the university’s high standard, but haven’t received nearly the acclaim of ASU’s most famous pair of bodacious bombs. Those, off course, belong to Phil Mickelson. Mickelson has held the title of, "most massive man mammaries" since he grabbed it from Craig Perry in the mid nineties. It has even gone so far that some people now refer to man boobs as, “Philly Micks.” Given the legendary reputation of Mickelson’s mambas, it would seem that no one could challenge his reign, but his title is being tested by none other than Jeff Quinney, another product of ASU’s well stacked program. The 2000 US Amateur champ has a newly found jiggle in his step, and it has been doing wonders for his confidence. As we all remember, Mickelson’s jiggle didn’t become evident until a few years after he left Arizona State, so it is safe to assume Quinney is just coming into his prime. Mickelson’s new training program gives Quinney an even better opportunity to make 2008 the year. Congratulations to Arizona State for knowing what it takes to harvest a nice crop of melons.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Movie Monday - Hack Attack 1
Captured by the Blazer from 100 Most Outrageous TV Moments who captured it from America's Funniest Home Videos who received it from the hack.
javascript:void(0)
Publish Post
javascript:void(0)
Publish Post
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Movie Monday - Hacktacular
This week at the
Even the pros hack on a shot here and there. GB would like to thank Tom Pernice for his delivery of one of the biggest professional duffs to date.
Phil Mickelson is convincingly the world’s second best player, and as everyone saw, he did some hacking as well this week. For those of you who are like G Blaze’s ally, The Golf Sensei, and pay little attention to the world around them, here is breakdown of how it happened.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Satire Saturday - Sabbatini Hospitalized Following Thunderous Faldo Bitchslap, Doctors Make Shocking Discoveries
PGA pro Rory Sabbatini was hospitalized over the weekend following what was described by commentator Johnny Miller as "A colossal bitchslap."
The bitchslap was administered by PGA pro and Golf Channel commentator Nick Faldo after Sabbatini was "just acting like too much of a bitch for this old boy to handle," said Faldo.
The initial reason for the hospitalization was for whiplash and psychological counseling for the oft-emotional Sabbatini. "Sabbatini's muscles in his neck and shoulders were severely sprained, from the clavicle to the vertebrae," said one hospital orderly, who wishes to remain unnamed. "Plus he was really acting like a fag."
Upon further examination, however, doctors found dangerously high estrogen levels in the irate Sabbatini, similar to those of a female dog during a mating season. Doctors said the hormonal imbalance put him at a frightening risk of contracting Sabitchatimia, an extremely rare form of cancer.
Fortunately the always observant and competent staff at Mercy Hospital in San Diego identified the imbalance and were able to correct it in a matter of days using an advanced bio-identical hormone replacement therapy technique, similar to The Talgen Method of hormone replacement therapy mass marketed by Dr. Steven T. Talgen, an expert in the field of menopausal research for aging women. Doctors said the treatment should provide "less frequent episodes of whining and stomping" in the irritable golfer, and the cramping, water retention, and mood swings he experiences every month should start to diminish.
Before Sabbatini was fully recovered doctors made one more shocking but non life-threatening discovery in the PGA pro's groin region: A vagina.
Doctors said they expected Sabbatini to make a full recovery in time for the Northern Trust Open on Feb. 11.
The bitchslap was administered by PGA pro and Golf Channel commentator Nick Faldo after Sabbatini was "just acting like too much of a bitch for this old boy to handle," said Faldo.
The initial reason for the hospitalization was for whiplash and psychological counseling for the oft-emotional Sabbatini. "Sabbatini's muscles in his neck and shoulders were severely sprained, from the clavicle to the vertebrae," said one hospital orderly, who wishes to remain unnamed. "Plus he was really acting like a fag."
Upon further examination, however, doctors found dangerously high estrogen levels in the irate Sabbatini, similar to those of a female dog during a mating season. Doctors said the hormonal imbalance put him at a frightening risk of contracting Sabitchatimia, an extremely rare form of cancer.
Fortunately the always observant and competent staff at Mercy Hospital in San Diego identified the imbalance and were able to correct it in a matter of days using an advanced bio-identical hormone replacement therapy technique, similar to The Talgen Method of hormone replacement therapy mass marketed by Dr. Steven T. Talgen, an expert in the field of menopausal research for aging women. Doctors said the treatment should provide "less frequent episodes of whining and stomping" in the irritable golfer, and the cramping, water retention, and mood swings he experiences every month should start to diminish.
Before Sabbatini was fully recovered doctors made one more shocking but non life-threatening discovery in the PGA pro's groin region: A vagina.
Doctors said they expected Sabbatini to make a full recovery in time for the Northern Trust Open on Feb. 11.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Monday, February 4, 2008
Movie Monday - Tiger punks Poulter ... twice
After punking Poulter on the golf course during his come from behind victory at The Dubai Desert Classic, Tiger punks Ian again during a post round interview, a standout example of Tiger's perfect tact and timing when zinging other players verbally. It's obvious Poulter's claim of being misquoted holds no validity with Tiger.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Men in Black
Tiger Woods and JB Holmes donned some atypical apparel during their clutch performances this weekend. Tiger’s glasses, although somewhat badass, are reminiscent of over-glasses typically worn by slowly driving senior citizens. Tiger wore the glasses mostly for protection against the blowing sand, and removed them prior to hitting each shot. JB Holmes is one of the only notable players you'll ever see wearing a black glove. After making Mickelson look like less of a man in the playoff at the FBR Open, Holmes said, “I don’t want to be some kind of fairy dinking it out there and prancing around in my white glove. I hit it long, and I wear a black glove even if after the round, it looks like someone shit on my hand.” Ok... JB really didn’t say any of that, but it would have been funny if he did.
With all the outfit coordination these days, it’s surprising the black glove isn’t more popular. But then again, Tiger doesn’t wear one, so it’s not that surprising after all.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Ian Poulter Finally Gets Attention He Deserves
The Green Blazer would have normally used this opportunity to zing Ian Poulter for opening his big mouth, but SportsCenter's anchor ripped him so perfectly that there is no need to:
Since then, Poulter claimed that he was misquoted and that he actually said, "It would be a dream to sit back one day and look at the world rankings and see it say, Tiger Woods and then me. Well, if you shorten that phrase down, 'Tiger Woods and then me,' you get what you've got in the paper today, or the magazine."
At first, The Blazer was quick to give Poulter the benefit on the doubt thinking maybe he was misquoted. That was until I heard the following comment, which officially landed Ian Poulter a spot on The Green Blazer's list of idiots:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
