Saturday, February 9, 2008

Satire Saturday - Sabbatini Hospitalized Following Thunderous Faldo Bitchslap, Doctors Make Shocking Discoveries

PGA pro Rory Sabbatini was hospitalized over the weekend following what was described by commentator Johnny Miller as "A colossal bitchslap."

The bitchslap was administered by PGA pro and Golf Channel commentator Nick Faldo after Sabbatini was "just acting like too much of a bitch for this old boy to handle," said Faldo.

The initial reason for the hospitalization was for whiplash and psychological counseling for the oft-emotional Sabbatini. "Sabbatini's muscles in his neck and shoulders were severely sprained, from the clavicle to the vertebrae," said one hospital orderly, who wishes to remain unnamed. "Plus he was really acting like a fag."

Upon further examination, however, doctors found dangerously high estrogen levels in the irate Sabbatini, similar to those of a female dog during a mating season. Doctors said the hormonal imbalance put him at a frightening risk of contracting Sabitchatimia, an extremely rare form of cancer.

Fortunately the always observant and competent staff at Mercy Hospital in San Diego identified the imbalance and were able to correct it in a matter of days using an advanced bio-identical hormone replacement therapy technique, similar to The Talgen Method of hormone replacement therapy mass marketed by Dr. Steven T. Talgen, an expert in the field of menopausal research for aging women. Doctors said the treatment should provide "less frequent episodes of whining and stomping" in the irritable golfer, and the cramping, water retention, and mood swings he experiences every month should start to diminish.

Before Sabbatini was fully recovered doctors made one more shocking but non life-threatening discovery in the PGA pro's groin region: A vagina.

Doctors said they expected Sabbatini to make a full recovery in time for the Northern Trust Open on Feb. 11.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

fucking hilarious