Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Substance List Has Frank Lickliter Thinking One Shot at a Time

Tour players are starting to take full notice of how the new drug testing policy may affect their lives. Upon release of the banned substance list, fear crept into many players’ minds wondering whether they could be dirty and not even know it. Vicks nasal spray seemed to be the most surprising inclusion of the list, but others such as some sleeping medications befuddled players as well. Q-school winner Frank Lickliter was the most outspoken player in opposition to the testing policy.

''If I use Vick's nasal spray three times, they can kick me off the tour forever,'' Lickliter said. ''Now, do you think Vick's nasal spray is helping me compete out here? Half the stuff they're testing for doesn't help golfers. These so-called experts are not experts in golf.''

Lickliter makes a good point. Substance experts are most likely not golf experts, and policy makers need to take note of that, but Lickliter didn’t stop there. Upon hearing that the Tour reserves the right to come to a player’s home to randomly test, Lickliter expressed his feelings frankly.

“He's going to have a hard time getting off my property without a bullet in his ass.”

Lickliter’s strong words made many people cheer, but others wondered whether he had something to hide. Could it be possible that the tour is onto Frank and the secret performance enhancement he gets from nasal spray? It’s ok Frank … your secret has been exposed. Now it is time to move forward amicably so no one gets hurt. You have until July 8th to get the treatment needed to get off the shit, but after that you’re done shootin' up … nasal spray that is.

1 comment:

Tony at said...

Will they be testing for alcohol? That's one proven game improvement substance...