Golf Channel Creates a Monster

It seems the newfound confidence bender Golf Channel announcer Kelly Tilghman has been on for the last few months may have finally reached a screeching sobriety after a moment of tactless commentary on Friday’s telecast of The Mercedes-Benz Championship.

Tilghman suggested that the younger players should, “...lynch Tiger Woods in a back alley.”

Kelly Tilghman - Lynch him in the back alley

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It was just a clumsy joke, but then again trashy Tanya Harding’s scheme to end Nancy Kerrigan’s skating career probably started as an innocent little joke as well. Tilghman has since apologized for the remarks and has reached out to Woods’ representatives to express her regrets.

This was no surprise to The Green Blazer, who has been making note of a subtle transformation taking place in Tilghman as of late. Since she became the lead play-by-play announcer for The Golf Channel, (which now has the rights to a portion of every PGA Tour event) Tilghman’s comfort level has been heightened to a point where her personality has become at best annoying, and at worst downright irritating. Sure, those of you nancies out there who enjoy the Green Blazer on a, shall we say, less-than-hardcorps basis might say "Hey GB, aren't you being a little harsh. I mean, she's just being herself. Give the girl a break, otay?" But the real corps members know one of the The Green Blazer's routine superpowers is his extremely acute radar sense for the yearning emotion the modern-day douche bag emits when longing for others to think they are cool.

The yearning in this particular case was a little different than the standard sycophantic kissing of Tiger’s ass and the asses of the world’s other top golfers, which is prevalent in so many commentators of today (The Blazer's looking right at you, Rich Lerner). The Blazer's super-sense detected this yearning as the kind that manifests in the form of a swell in annoying one-liners coupled with an abundance of dim-witted jokes. The old Tilghman would have never had the gumption to make such a lewd comment, especially in an age where commentators must be particularly careful when not to use the GolfLord’s name in vein. Tilghman the clumsy pilgrim quickly confessed her sins, however, and is not likely to become the next Don Imus. But if she does you can bet the Blazer will be Tilghman's Al Sharpton, denouncing her on the O-Reilly Factor for two weeks straight. Hell, the corps was about to organize a Tilghman protest before any of this went down, simply because of how annoying we've been forced to watch her become.

“Group of young white golfers attack, murder Tiger Woods in racially motivated back alley killing.” The preceding headline might be a joke to Kelly Tilghman but like most of her stupid jokes, she was the only one laughing.