Monday, December 29, 2008
Geese are the shits
BABY SHITS: The only thing worse than goose shit on the greens is gosling shit on the greens
"Yo G Blaze... You're out"
"Hang on phellas ... let me just use my putter to fling the goose shit out of my line."
It's a hot, sweaty day. You're with some hack acquaintances that have been pressuring you to, "go golfing sometime dude," for over a year now. Finally after offering to pay for your round, you oblige. Four holes into your round you've chopped your way to two-over, well on your way to an 81 (although the guys you're playing with are so impressed they're practically stroking you off).
It's one thing to play like shit, but at this course you have to walk on it too. What better than some goose shit to make a crappy round even more miserable. It's bad enough that the geese infest the ponds, but they also invest the fairways, feeding on the fertilized grass and hissing at you as you walk by. By the end of the round, the greenish colored shit has worked its way into the crevices of your cleats that even the most violent after round clap won't vanquish. Some of the shit has been on the greens for days and dried out leaving a permanent shit stain. Most of the dung, however, is fresh and crumbles as you try to move it often finding its way into the sight line of your $250 Scotty Cameron.
I once heard a tale that if you run a dog through a course, it will chase the geese out and they will never return. This of course is not true. It will make a flock move to a pond temporary until the coast is clear. Then they will return to the green to drop a long awaited freshy. This is why the Green Blazer Corps is establishing an organization to stop the spread of goose shit. To receive a complementary membership to GAGS (golfers against goose shit), post a comment below and help us put an end to this problem ... before it's too late.