Sunday, May 15, 2011

K.J. Choi shakes golf world with unprofessional antics

SATIRE - *Please read with an open mind as we love KJ just as much as everyone else. If you're somehow offended, we recommend you pick up an Onion once in a while.

While the momentum of the international golf scene continued its ascent to the forefront with South Korean born KJ Choi’s victory in the Players Championship Sunday, a dark cloud was cast over his performance with what golf analysts are claiming “shameless self-promotion” by Choi’s on-course behavior at the culmination of The Players Championship.

While in contention late on Sunday, Choi violated typical PGA Tour protocol by high fiving children, waving to boisterous individual supporters, and affectionately tipping his cap to galleries and fellow competitors. He followed up such unprofessional antics by warmly and affectionately embracing David Toms after besting him in a sudden-death playoff. Ken Venturi, a long time golf analyst whose racist undertones against Tiger Woods throughout the previous decade helped him achieve notoriety amongst “good ole boy” golf scum described it best with his following statements:

“To see a player behave in such a manner, touching women and children, smiling and making eye contact with the crowds, and uncharacteristically hugging David Toms after his victory, was completely disrespectful to American golf fans.”

A smug hug from Mr. K.J.: K.J. Choi embraces David Toms following his playoff win at the 2011 Players Championship Sunday. This was just one of many unprofessional late round antics that has the golf world up in arms.

The PGA tour agreed with Venturi, issuing huge fines for the nearly 300 high fives Choi eagerly offered to fans down the final four-hole stretch of the tournament. Tim Finchem, PGA tour commissioner, said the self-seeking personal touch Choi extended to his supporters was “embarrassing” and “shameful” behavior that indicates Choi’s egotistical and self-seeking nature. The Tour issued a prompt apology for the manner in which Choi attempted to separate himself from the frigid stiffness and corpse-like persona typically expected of PGA players in contention.

Additional ire was cast towards Choi after conducting his post victory interview in English. Fuzzy Zoeller scoffed at the “despicable motives” of Choi to draw attention to the blue-collar, salt-of-the-earth manner in which Choi diligently learned the language and culture of a nation in which he competes regularly.

Kim Jong Il, noted North Korean terrorist who is not even from the same country as the well-industrialized South Korea, summarized the thoughts on this controversy by issuing the following statement:

"I am glad that the North Korean people cannot claim ownership of this extremist. I would hate to think of the world ramifications of people thinking that Korean people are capable of acting in such respectful and congenial ways. I will work diligently to rebuild the Korean image in the future, and am more determined than ever to invade South Korea and force my destructive views upon such a confused society.”

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