Thursday, July 17, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Callaway Uses Fusion Technology to Create New Term
Sets standard for other equipment companies
In their greatest achievement since shocking the world with Big Bertha, Callaway's marketing team used their esteemed Fusion Technology to create a phrase that is nothing short of pure genius. The term Squareway Woods was born from a blend of the word "square," which describes the shape of the golf club and "fairway woods," which describes the category of the golf club. This was one of the biggest breakthroughs for Callaway in years, and company officials say it will set a standard for other equipment companies to follow. "We wanted to create an idiom that was easy to get off the ground, had workability, and would retain its value over time," said one of the creative marketing gurus at Callaway. "We did all that and more when we released squareway woods."
So far Callaway's new term has been well accepted by the public. It has already found its way into the vocab bag of a few professionals, and has been especially popular with the high handicappers.
Sets standard for other equipment companies
In their greatest achievement since shocking the world with Big Bertha, Callaway's marketing team used their esteemed Fusion Technology to create a phrase that is nothing short of pure genius. The term Squareway Woods was born from a blend of the word "square," which describes the shape of the golf club and "fairway woods," which describes the category of the golf club. This was one of the biggest breakthroughs for Callaway in years, and company officials say it will set a standard for other equipment companies to follow. "We wanted to create an idiom that was easy to get off the ground, had workability, and would retain its value over time," said one of the creative marketing gurus at Callaway. "We did all that and more when we released squareway woods."
So far Callaway's new term has been well accepted by the public. It has already found its way into the vocab bag of a few professionals, and has been especially popular with the high handicappers.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
The Big Break Ka'anapali's Lori Atsedes considering signing with Oakland Raiders
After three jacking her way out of contention in the Big Break Ka'anapali realty show on The Golf Channel, Lori was approached by the Oakland Raiders to fill a needed spot on the offensive line. "We've seen what she can do... She's mean, she's big, and she knows how to mix it up," said a spokesman for the Raiders. Lori has not officially accepted the position, but when asked to comment, she said, "This really doesn't surprise me; I'm like a Cadillac... In a head-on collision, nothing short of a truck will overpower me."
After three jacking her way out of contention in the Big Break Ka'anapali realty show on The Golf Channel, Lori was approached by the Oakland Raiders to fill a needed spot on the offensive line. "We've seen what she can do... She's mean, she's big, and she knows how to mix it up," said a spokesman for the Raiders. Lori has not officially accepted the position, but when asked to comment, she said, "This really doesn't surprise me; I'm like a Cadillac... In a head-on collision, nothing short of a truck will overpower me."
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Happy Gilmore’s Mr. Larson Towers over Galleries at US Open
Famous spectator Mr. Larson returned to golf galleries today after a long hiatus, and what better place than the US Open? Larson is best known for startling others with his intimidating presence and instilling fear in those he dislikes. (i.e. Shooter McGavin.) He has thickened and aged since his supporting role in the movie Happy Gilmore. (See photos below.)
Monday, June 9, 2008
SHAVED AND DANGEROUS: The Blazer, lazin' and blazin' in a dazy haze these daze, was pouring through his video archive when he stumbled across this little nugget. Apparently shaving the hole isn't always a good thing, who knew? Word in the underground is The Slice Girls "convinced" him to blurt this one out using his "dirty dog" tone. Mad props to those crazy bitches.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Friday, May 2, 2008
CELEBRITY GOLF LOOKALIKES: Imitation is the highest form of flattery
Ruthless Golf Channel Thugs Best Golf Superhero, Again
Following prior accusations of "infringement," The Golf Channel makes no bones about stealing ideas from The Green Blazer
Reprinted with permission
He may be vulnerable after all. Golf superhero The Green Blazer seems to have been bested once again by what some are now calling a gang of disorganized and plagiarizing thugs that have gained control of one of the highest forms of golf media, an unprofessional syndicate the average American has come to know as simply, "The Golf Channel."
After splashing on the scene early last year, one of The Green Blazer's reining moments in the world of golf heroism was his capture of Kelly Tilghman, and more specifically, the chuckle she cackled after cracking her "lynch him in the back alley" joke about Tiger Woods. The clip garnered 80,000 views in 48 hours before youtube.com notified The Green Blazer that they had "removed or disabled access to (the Tilghman Clip) as a result of a third-party notification by The Golf Channel claiming that this material is infringing."
THE CLIP AT 54,000: The clip in question reaches #30 most viewed of the day on youtube
Normally a situation like this would be regarded as somewhat innocuous in the world of media--the Blazer has captured an embarrassing moment for the network and they're flexing their corporate muscle in order ensure its rebroadcast is kept to a minimum.
But it didn't end there. The Golf Channel, now very much aware of The Green Blazer and his super human ability to dazzle the game's most astute through poignant zingers, resurfaced this week with a follow-up blow, this time more tactical in nature. The network cleverly pilfered one of the Blazer's benchmark zingers, the "Celebrity Golf Lookalike." The act is captured in the image below.
PURLOINED STYLE: The Golf Channel steals The Blazer's 'Celeb Golf Lookalikes' idea, captured above
After seeing his tactics mimicked by the network giant, The Green Blazer issued the following statement:
"I was both saddened and excited to see The Golf Channel enter this new realm, a land of wit and humor that is now largely dominated by The Green Blazer Corps. I was saddened by their obvious lack of originality, but excited by the idea that they may finally give the thought of not being totally lame a try.
"The Charlie Hoffman and Chris Griffin bit is a solid start, despite the fact that the larger idea is tantamount to a highway hijacking not even the Batman could thwart. For the record, the Batman did phone me with an apology for not interrupting the signal in time, which was not necessary but nonetheless appreciated.
"Notice, the act in question is reminiscent of the corps' David Feherty and Count Von Count bit, only not quite as geometrically matched. While I would have simply used my mind to reverse and tilt the image into a better replicated juxtaposition, The Golf Channel could have probably attained this effect rather quickly in Photoshop. This is further evidence of my previous assertions that this foe is, for lack of a better term, totally bush league.
"This hereby concludes my statement, thank you and good day."
THIEVES LACK DETAIL: The Green Blazer points out his cartoon based celeb golf lookalike has a more paralleled juxtaposition
Further evidence of the Golf Channel's disregard for even the simplest attempts to cite their material can be found in the original cartoon graphic. A Google image search of "Chris Griffin" turns up the following pic as the very first listing.
NO RESPECT: The Chris Griffin graphic used by the Golf Channel has the artist's signature conveniently omitted
Following prior accusations of "infringement," The Golf Channel makes no bones about stealing ideas from The Green Blazer
Reprinted with permission
He may be vulnerable after all. Golf superhero The Green Blazer seems to have been bested once again by what some are now calling a gang of disorganized and plagiarizing thugs that have gained control of one of the highest forms of golf media, an unprofessional syndicate the average American has come to know as simply, "The Golf Channel."
After splashing on the scene early last year, one of The Green Blazer's reining moments in the world of golf heroism was his capture of Kelly Tilghman, and more specifically, the chuckle she cackled after cracking her "lynch him in the back alley" joke about Tiger Woods. The clip garnered 80,000 views in 48 hours before youtube.com notified The Green Blazer that they had "removed or disabled access to (the Tilghman Clip) as a result of a third-party notification by The Golf Channel claiming that this material is infringing."
THE CLIP AT 54,000: The clip in question reaches #30 most viewed of the day on youtube
Normally a situation like this would be regarded as somewhat innocuous in the world of media--the Blazer has captured an embarrassing moment for the network and they're flexing their corporate muscle in order ensure its rebroadcast is kept to a minimum.
But it didn't end there. The Golf Channel, now very much aware of The Green Blazer and his super human ability to dazzle the game's most astute through poignant zingers, resurfaced this week with a follow-up blow, this time more tactical in nature. The network cleverly pilfered one of the Blazer's benchmark zingers, the "Celebrity Golf Lookalike." The act is captured in the image below.
PURLOINED STYLE: The Golf Channel steals The Blazer's 'Celeb Golf Lookalikes' idea, captured above
After seeing his tactics mimicked by the network giant, The Green Blazer issued the following statement:
"I was both saddened and excited to see The Golf Channel enter this new realm, a land of wit and humor that is now largely dominated by The Green Blazer Corps. I was saddened by their obvious lack of originality, but excited by the idea that they may finally give the thought of not being totally lame a try.
"The Charlie Hoffman and Chris Griffin bit is a solid start, despite the fact that the larger idea is tantamount to a highway hijacking not even the Batman could thwart. For the record, the Batman did phone me with an apology for not interrupting the signal in time, which was not necessary but nonetheless appreciated.
"Notice, the act in question is reminiscent of the corps' David Feherty and Count Von Count bit, only not quite as geometrically matched. While I would have simply used my mind to reverse and tilt the image into a better replicated juxtaposition, The Golf Channel could have probably attained this effect rather quickly in Photoshop. This is further evidence of my previous assertions that this foe is, for lack of a better term, totally bush league.
"This hereby concludes my statement, thank you and good day."
THIEVES LACK DETAIL: The Green Blazer points out his cartoon based celeb golf lookalike has a more paralleled juxtaposition
Further evidence of the Golf Channel's disregard for even the simplest attempts to cite their material can be found in the original cartoon graphic. A Google image search of "Chris Griffin" turns up the following pic as the very first listing.
NO RESPECT: The Chris Griffin graphic used by the Golf Channel has the artist's signature conveniently omitted
Notice how in stretching and distorting the image, The Golf Channel has also conveniently omitted artist Seth MacFarlane's name from the graphic, as if to reinforce the fact that they place absolutely no emphasis on giving credit where it's due.
"How hard would it have been for them to just say, 'In honor of golf blogger The Green Blazer, here's a celebrity golf lookalike.'?" said one Blazer supporter. "Vince Cellini may as well have done the bit wearing a green jacket and mask."
Both The Green Blazer and Seth MacFarlane were unavailable for further comment.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Satire Saturday - Discussing Satire on a Saturday
Seriously ... we're just discussing satire this week, not actually producing it
Recently a satire piece on Phil Mickelson received a fair amount of traffic on the net. The piece, distributed mainly through e-mail, was entitled "MICKELSON'S GAMBLING DEBTS CAUSE UPROAR AMONG AUGUSTA MEMBERS," and had a tag that read "From GolfWeek Insider....." at the bottom. Many Blazer loyalists, including corps members, have questioned whether the Blazer was the one responsible for the prank, which apparently began its circulation on April 1. We've replicated the piece below:
Last week Phil Mickelson was playing a practice round at Augusta and went away from protocol and convinced his playing partners to up the stakes in the usual $1 game. It was Mickelson versus the other three which included some of the deepest pockets among the membership. The stakes: $5000 skins and a pot of $130,000, $100,000 of which was contributed by Mickelson for the low net score - Mickelson would play off scratch.
According to one of the threesome which obviously will remain anonymous, 'everything was going great until the back 9 when Mickelson really could not believe the good fortune of 'chuckie'. He was draining everything on the greens and when he missed the green twice he had two chip-ins.
Phil's lead on the scorecard looked safe but in the clubhouse we added it up and lo and behold, Phil owed $200,000.' And then it got ugly. The stories by witnesses conflict, but in effect Mickelson tried to pass the bets off as laugh on the first tee and insisted 'there was no way he would bet hundreds of thousands on golf.' Mickelson believed the standard one dollar game was in effect.
The threesome was having none of it and before you know it the foursome was sitting in the office of Billy Payne who was none too happy about the loud conversations taking place in the dining room. But even in the privacy of the office, Mickelson was being very difficult. According to the same anonymous member: 'Phil slipped up and admitted that he initiated the stakes and set the terms of the bet. Then he protested at having to pay so much and offered 30 cents on the dollar right then and there, take it or leave it. Billy was aghast and told Phil, you will arrange to pay every dollar or you will never be welcome at Augusta again, take it or leave it.
Mickelson tried to protest and even made a snide remark that Billy couldn't stop him from being wel come at Augusta every April. Billy simply asked are you taking it or leaving it.'
Mickelson later called his accountant with the banking details of 'chuckie' and an arrangement was made for a wire transfer of an undisclosed amount. The worse of this may not be over as the other member of the threesome was upset enough to call the PGA Tour. When contacted for a comment, the PGA Tour declined to comment and would not even acknowledge whether or not they have been contacted about the conflict at Augusta National.
From GolfWeek Insider.....
The Blazer did not write this piece. We agree it was well written, which is probably why the Blazer Corps is among the main suspects, but it is not a good example of satire. Indeed, the author probably didn't even intend it to be received as satire, although it does loosely fit the definition. However, in deference to those who seem to always offer up criticism of the Blazer's satire pieces, the traffic this piece has received gives the Blazer a good opportunity to differentiate between real satire and satire that's meant to confuse.
Satire, in its most basic form, is a literary technique in which shortcomings are exposed by means of irony or other methods, ideally with an intent to bring about improvement. As we can see, the above piece does fall within that contemporary definition. But several things separate this from a good piece of satire, like you might find from the Blazer.
The main difference lies in the operative word in the above definition: intent. The author of this piece most likely intended this piece to be taken seriously, and this is evidenced in three major points.
1.) The presence of the "From GolfWeek Insider" tag
While the capitalized "W" was actually the Blazer's first clue that this piece was bullshit, the fact that the author put this tag at the bottom suggests that he or she wanted readers to believe what they just read, and, lacking credibility of his or her own, borrowed credibility from something more well known, in this case Golfweek.
2.) The satire was not fantastic beyond a reasonable doubt
If you're familiar with the gambling exploits in Phil's past, this piece was actually quite believable. If the Blazer were to have authored a satire piece on Phil's gambling problem (admittedly great premise), he would have likely had Phil wagering his children, an autographed man-zere worn by himself, and/or an evening of bukkake with his beautiful wife. The $5,000 per hole just isn't wild and fantastic enough.
3.) Excessive use of anonymity
The occasional anonymous quote can add to the humor of a satire piece. But the beauty of satire is no one is off limits (as long as they're public figures), so a satire writer may as well juice it up by using the likeness of real people. By hiding the identity of people, the writer makes it seem as if he or she doesn't want to blow the cover of a valuable source, something that often happens in real life. (Deep Throat, anyone?) The Blazer would have had him playing against Pete Rose, Tim Donaghy and some other notorious sports gambler.
The irony of this exploration of irony is while the Phil piece was not great satire, it might actually prove to be more effective satire. Again, the point of satire is usually to bring about improvement. Will the Green Blazer's satire piece on doctors discovering a vagina on Rory Sabbatini make Sabbatini less of a bitch? Probably not, but it was good satire nonetheless. However, will this recent piece let Phil know he's been branded as a gambler and get him to stop, or at least slow it down? Perhaps, if he actually ever sees it...
Stay tuned next Saturday for the Blazer's next offering from the world of golf satire: "Butch Harmon labeled 'dangerous' after having unprotected lessons with multiple partners"
Seriously ... we're just discussing satire this week, not actually producing it
Recently a satire piece on Phil Mickelson received a fair amount of traffic on the net. The piece, distributed mainly through e-mail, was entitled "MICKELSON'S GAMBLING DEBTS CAUSE UPROAR AMONG AUGUSTA MEMBERS," and had a tag that read "From GolfWeek Insider....." at the bottom. Many Blazer loyalists, including corps members, have questioned whether the Blazer was the one responsible for the prank, which apparently began its circulation on April 1. We've replicated the piece below:
Last week Phil Mickelson was playing a practice round at Augusta and went away from protocol and convinced his playing partners to up the stakes in the usual $1 game. It was Mickelson versus the other three which included some of the deepest pockets among the membership. The stakes: $5000 skins and a pot of $130,000, $100,000 of which was contributed by Mickelson for the low net score - Mickelson would play off scratch.
According to one of the threesome which obviously will remain anonymous, 'everything was going great until the back 9 when Mickelson really could not believe the good fortune of 'chuckie'. He was draining everything on the greens and when he missed the green twice he had two chip-ins.
Phil's lead on the scorecard looked safe but in the clubhouse we added it up and lo and behold, Phil owed $200,000.' And then it got ugly. The stories by witnesses conflict, but in effect Mickelson tried to pass the bets off as laugh on the first tee and insisted 'there was no way he would bet hundreds of thousands on golf.' Mickelson believed the standard one dollar game was in effect.
The threesome was having none of it and before you know it the foursome was sitting in the office of Billy Payne who was none too happy about the loud conversations taking place in the dining room. But even in the privacy of the office, Mickelson was being very difficult. According to the same anonymous member: 'Phil slipped up and admitted that he initiated the stakes and set the terms of the bet. Then he protested at having to pay so much and offered 30 cents on the dollar right then and there, take it or leave it. Billy was aghast and told Phil, you will arrange to pay every dollar or you will never be welcome at Augusta again, take it or leave it.
Mickelson tried to protest and even made a snide remark that Billy couldn't stop him from being wel come at Augusta every April. Billy simply asked are you taking it or leaving it.'
Mickelson later called his accountant with the banking details of 'chuckie' and an arrangement was made for a wire transfer of an undisclosed amount. The worse of this may not be over as the other member of the threesome was upset enough to call the PGA Tour. When contacted for a comment, the PGA Tour declined to comment and would not even acknowledge whether or not they have been contacted about the conflict at Augusta National.
From GolfWeek Insider.....
The Blazer did not write this piece. We agree it was well written, which is probably why the Blazer Corps is among the main suspects, but it is not a good example of satire. Indeed, the author probably didn't even intend it to be received as satire, although it does loosely fit the definition. However, in deference to those who seem to always offer up criticism of the Blazer's satire pieces, the traffic this piece has received gives the Blazer a good opportunity to differentiate between real satire and satire that's meant to confuse.
Satire, in its most basic form, is a literary technique in which shortcomings are exposed by means of irony or other methods, ideally with an intent to bring about improvement. As we can see, the above piece does fall within that contemporary definition. But several things separate this from a good piece of satire, like you might find from the Blazer.
The main difference lies in the operative word in the above definition: intent. The author of this piece most likely intended this piece to be taken seriously, and this is evidenced in three major points.
1.) The presence of the "From GolfWeek Insider" tag
While the capitalized "W" was actually the Blazer's first clue that this piece was bullshit, the fact that the author put this tag at the bottom suggests that he or she wanted readers to believe what they just read, and, lacking credibility of his or her own, borrowed credibility from something more well known, in this case Golfweek.
2.) The satire was not fantastic beyond a reasonable doubt
If you're familiar with the gambling exploits in Phil's past, this piece was actually quite believable. If the Blazer were to have authored a satire piece on Phil's gambling problem (admittedly great premise), he would have likely had Phil wagering his children, an autographed man-zere worn by himself, and/or an evening of bukkake with his beautiful wife. The $5,000 per hole just isn't wild and fantastic enough.
3.) Excessive use of anonymity
The occasional anonymous quote can add to the humor of a satire piece. But the beauty of satire is no one is off limits (as long as they're public figures), so a satire writer may as well juice it up by using the likeness of real people. By hiding the identity of people, the writer makes it seem as if he or she doesn't want to blow the cover of a valuable source, something that often happens in real life. (Deep Throat, anyone?) The Blazer would have had him playing against Pete Rose, Tim Donaghy and some other notorious sports gambler.
The irony of this exploration of irony is while the Phil piece was not great satire, it might actually prove to be more effective satire. Again, the point of satire is usually to bring about improvement. Will the Green Blazer's satire piece on doctors discovering a vagina on Rory Sabbatini make Sabbatini less of a bitch? Probably not, but it was good satire nonetheless. However, will this recent piece let Phil know he's been branded as a gambler and get him to stop, or at least slow it down? Perhaps, if he actually ever sees it...
Stay tuned next Saturday for the Blazer's next offering from the world of golf satire: "Butch Harmon labeled 'dangerous' after having unprotected lessons with multiple partners"
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Blazer Voices Support of Lesbian Kraft Nabisco Groupies
The Kraft Nabisco Championship, formally known as the Diana Shore Tournament, just wrapped up in the Palm Springs area of California. What many people don't realize about the Diana Shore Tournament is it's also a lesbian fuck fest, with super hot gay women using the tournament as an annual excuse to celebrate free love. Free lesbian love, that is. The Blazer wants to take this opportunity to voice his support of these lovely women, their goal of legal marriage, and everything they do--once a year, at pool parties, under the hot sun, with very little clothing on--for the sport of golf. Enjoy the pictures below, swiped from mydesert.com, the local broadsheet in Palm Springs which had extraordinary coverage of both the tournament and the lassie-fair lez-affairs that accompanied it.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Bubba Watson: "I'll tell you what... Veterans can kiss my ass"
This one hasn’t blown up yet, but damn well blazin’ should. Bubba Watson will soon be labeled the tour’s new bad boy (dethroning Rory’s bitchass) after saying, "I’ll tell you what... Veterans can kiss my ass." Steve Elkington was evidently moving around during Watson’s routine for two days, and Watson pretty much snaps in the video below. This situation may cause a media frenzy for two reasons:
1) Just a few short days ago, Tiger Woods stirred things up when he said the next person to take a picture (during his swing) will get their fucking neck broken. Watson’s frustration is similar to Tiger’s only it was due to another player’s actions as opposed to that of an idiot camera man. If and when Bubba’s blunder gets the media attention it warrants, it will presumably be compared to Tiger’s flare-up last Sunday.
2) Bubba should have confined his shit-talking to Elkington alone. By telling all veterans they can kiss his ass, he generalized himself to the point where he has no argument to defend. When Bubba kicks it into reputation salvation mode, he will likely apologize for his words about veterans, say he has the utmost respect for what they’ve done for the game, and attempt to defend himself by describing why Steve Elkington is an asshole.
1) Just a few short days ago, Tiger Woods stirred things up when he said the next person to take a picture (during his swing) will get their fucking neck broken. Watson’s frustration is similar to Tiger’s only it was due to another player’s actions as opposed to that of an idiot camera man. If and when Bubba’s blunder gets the media attention it warrants, it will presumably be compared to Tiger’s flare-up last Sunday.
2) Bubba should have confined his shit-talking to Elkington alone. By telling all veterans they can kiss his ass, he generalized himself to the point where he has no argument to defend. When Bubba kicks it into reputation salvation mode, he will likely apologize for his words about veterans, say he has the utmost respect for what they’ve done for the game, and attempt to defend himself by describing why Steve Elkington is an asshole.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Attn Photogs: Tiger Woods Is Going To Break Your Fucking Neck (Bitch)
Blazer says like the words of God, Woods' quotes need no editing or context
If you watched WGC-CA on television last weekend, then you only caught part of Tiger Woods' latest tirade against the golf paparazzi. Nobody made that big of a deal out of it until today, when the UK's The Independent reported on what happened after the cameras turned away.
Excerpted from today's The Independent:
...Yes, Woods lost his streak. But with it went his temper.
It was on the tee on the par-three ninth when a camera click on his back-swing caused Woods to pull his shot perilously close to the water. His scream of "Jackass!" was heard on the live telecast. Fortunately, the verbal assault which followed was only in earshot of members of the gallery, although that inevitably included children.
As he walked to the 10th tee he turned on the press corps shadowing him. "The next time a fucking photographer shoots a picture [on my backswing]," warned Woods, "I'm going to break his fucking neck."
In some respects, Tiger's tantrum was understandable...
Thanks for that, The Independent. We see you were able to sneak some bracketed context into this news piece along with your opinion. But neither belong there. Like the words of God Almighty himself, Tiger's words need no editing or context. We're thankful that you left the expletives in there (AOL Sports edited it out in their coverage, pussys), but we like the quote better with him simply breaking the necks of photogs who shoot pictures in general, not just those who make the now life-threatening choice to do so in his backswing. Plus it's a little hypocritical to add your slanted detail about the "inevitable inclusion of children" in the gallery that might have heard Tiger drop the F-bomb, and then go on to repeat it for your readers, which also inevitably include children.
So it breaks down like this. "The next time a fucking reporter adds brackets [to a Tiger Woods quote]," warns The Green Blazer, "I'm going to break his fucking neck."
And in some respects, that's understandable.
POST POST MEMO: 10:50 PM - Actually, Tiger's reported scream of the word "jackass" wasn't heard on the live telecast. The Blazer went back and captured video display below. So why did The Independent report that it was? The Blazer, who took detective lessons from DuPont, Holmes, Batman and Shaggy, has a theory: The chinces at The Independent probably read this article, which was posted Monday on MiamiHerald.com, and exaggerated the 'Tiger said jackass' detail to 'Tiger said jackass on live tv.' The Blazer suspects the writer from the Herald, who really brings the zing in his blazin' coverage, actually attended the event and heard Tiger say the word, while the cameras weren't going live. Meanwhile the writer from The Independent, clearly a hack who's butt-hurt about Tiger threatening his ilk, has an agenda "which inevitably included" extra details and exaggerations to make Tiger look bad.
Blazer says like the words of God, Woods' quotes need no editing or context
If you watched WGC-CA on television last weekend, then you only caught part of Tiger Woods' latest tirade against the golf paparazzi. Nobody made that big of a deal out of it until today, when the UK's The Independent reported on what happened after the cameras turned away.
Excerpted from today's The Independent:
...Yes, Woods lost his streak. But with it went his temper.
It was on the tee on the par-three ninth when a camera click on his back-swing caused Woods to pull his shot perilously close to the water. His scream of "Jackass!" was heard on the live telecast. Fortunately, the verbal assault which followed was only in earshot of members of the gallery, although that inevitably included children.
As he walked to the 10th tee he turned on the press corps shadowing him. "The next time a fucking photographer shoots a picture [on my backswing]," warned Woods, "I'm going to break his fucking neck."
In some respects, Tiger's tantrum was understandable...
Thanks for that, The Independent. We see you were able to sneak some bracketed context into this news piece along with your opinion. But neither belong there. Like the words of God Almighty himself, Tiger's words need no editing or context. We're thankful that you left the expletives in there (AOL Sports edited it out in their coverage, pussys), but we like the quote better with him simply breaking the necks of photogs who shoot pictures in general, not just those who make the now life-threatening choice to do so in his backswing. Plus it's a little hypocritical to add your slanted detail about the "inevitable inclusion of children" in the gallery that might have heard Tiger drop the F-bomb, and then go on to repeat it for your readers, which also inevitably include children.
So it breaks down like this. "The next time a fucking reporter adds brackets [to a Tiger Woods quote]," warns The Green Blazer, "I'm going to break his fucking neck."
And in some respects, that's understandable.
POST POST MEMO: 10:50 PM - Actually, Tiger's reported scream of the word "jackass" wasn't heard on the live telecast. The Blazer went back and captured video display below. So why did The Independent report that it was? The Blazer, who took detective lessons from DuPont, Holmes, Batman and Shaggy, has a theory: The chinces at The Independent probably read this article, which was posted Monday on MiamiHerald.com
Monday, March 24, 2008
Movie Monday - "Oh Hell No"
Whether you consider it a streak of 7, 5 or 3, Tiger's streak came to a halt on Sunday errr.. Monday. Considering the streak to be only 3 wins is blazin ridiculous, but that's what Woody Austin called it when trying to diminish the value during an interview after last week's tournament at Bay Hill:
Tiger ran into a some complicatons (other than missed putts) while trying to get number 8, 6 or 4 in a row:
The clip of the week goes to Tiger for his response when jokingly asked if he was interested in doing highlights for the crappy non-HD Golf Channel... I mean come on'... even PBS is in HD these daze:
Tiger ran into a some complicatons (other than missed putts) while trying to get number 8, 6 or 4 in a row:
The clip of the week goes to Tiger for his response when jokingly asked if he was interested in doing highlights for the crappy non-HD Golf Channel... I mean come on'... even PBS is in HD these daze:
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Movie Monday - Justin Rose Rides Bull, Cink Gets Bucked Off
This week at the PODS Championship, Stewart Cink perpetuated his anticlutch reputation by dropping 4 shots in four holes to lose to Sean O' Hair. Cink has blown eight of his last nine 54 hole leads including his loss to Tiger Woods at the Accenture Match Play Championship. This defeat may sting particuallarily bad given that last week Stewy vented to a reporter saying he has not yet, "lived up to his potential" as a professional golfer. Another golfer who is finally starting to live up to his hype, Justin Rose, has been practicing his Happy Gilmore bull ride in front of the mirror for months. The PODS championship was lucky enough to get the debut.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Sexy Slice Sirens nearly seduce Green Blazer out of his Green Blazer
Slice Girls: High Class 'Hook'ers or Girls Next 'Fore!'?
Yesterday Condoleezza Slice, Angelina Bogie and the Slice Girls eagerly told the Green Blazer precisely where they want him to plant his enormous flagstick. The Slice Girls got together over some martinis and one of those waterproof laptops for a little late night blog session in the hot tub of their lair the other night, which one can only assume is located in a penthouse tower of some exotic city. They were most definitely nude and touching each other as they blogged about how much they loved tasting the Green Blazer's fountain of offerings. "To get a taste of The Green Blazer," wrote the Bodacious Angelina Bogie, "here's a pic..." The Green Blazer followed up by blogging on the slice girls' faces, in a blog post entitled "The Slice Girls Have Remarkably Beautiful Faces."
To any of the Slice Girls who may be reading this, make no mistake as you try to make it with the Green Blazer, you slender, sultry, seductive, super-sexy slice sluts. The Green Blazer knows exactly what you're interested in, and he's no amature in this high stakes game of heroes and villains. The Corps has learned much from the timeless tales within the halls of our society of super brethren (basically summed up in the photo below).
So Slice Girls be warned: If you ever want to get it in the hole, don't count on slicing through the Green Blazer's mask anytime soon . . .
Check out The Slice Girls at www.golfuncut.com
Slice Girls: High Class 'Hook'ers or Girls Next 'Fore!'?
Yesterday Condoleezza Slice, Angelina Bogie and the Slice Girls eagerly told the Green Blazer precisely where they want him to plant his enormous flagstick. The Slice Girls got together over some martinis and one of those waterproof laptops for a little late night blog session in the hot tub of their lair the other night, which one can only assume is located in a penthouse tower of some exotic city. They were most definitely nude and touching each other as they blogged about how much they loved tasting the Green Blazer's fountain of offerings. "To get a taste of The Green Blazer," wrote the Bodacious Angelina Bogie, "here's a pic..." The Green Blazer followed up by blogging on the slice girls' faces, in a blog post entitled "The Slice Girls Have Remarkably Beautiful Faces."
To any of the Slice Girls who may be reading this, make no mistake as you try to make it with the Green Blazer, you slender, sultry, seductive, super-sexy slice sluts. The Green Blazer knows exactly what you're interested in, and he's no amature in this high stakes game of heroes and villains. The Corps has learned much from the timeless tales within the halls of our society of super brethren (basically summed up in the photo below).
So Slice Girls be warned: If you ever want to get it in the hole, don't count on slicing through the Green Blazer's mask anytime soon . . .
Check out The Slice Girls at www.golfuncut.com
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